Don't Do As I Say

Being a parent is a wonderful journey. There are lots and lots of good moments like being told that 'ou awesome' by your two year old or being told 'Luv you, Mom' by you other two year old or being given high five after high five by your other two year old or that you are your five year old's 'my best friend'.

But being a parent also means that your flaws are put out there as well. You know, those little things about your personality that you don't like. The ones that come out when you are under stress. Kids have a way of picking up on those things.

For me, it is my mouth.

When I get stressed out and feel overwhelmed, I begin to lash out. I am quick tempered and the filter between my brain and my mouth, just stops working. I yell and say some things at the kids that in a calmer state, I probably would regret.

This was never more apparent to me then when we were all in the car the other night. Lately, Hayden has become more and more annoyed with Claire and her talking. And really, I don't blame him. Its like this little girl has a word quota that she has to reach each day. And since, her vocabulary is not that big, she repeats the same word or words over and over and over again. This can be maddening, especially in a small minivan.

So I guess when Hayden channeled me and screamed, "CLAIRE! SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" It shouldn't have been a surprise but it was. And it was down right painful to hear.

I hated that he said it but I knew and understood why. He was just dealing with the stress like I do. I am his example for what to do and he was following it perfectly.

I was speechless and just sat there stunned. Thankfully, Jeff was in the car and chimed in.

"Hayden, that is really not a nice thing to say. I know that you hear Mommy and Daddy say that but we shouldn't say it either. We will try and do a better job. Now, you need to nicely ask your sister to stop."

"Alright, Dad." Hayden said. "Claire? Will you please shut your mouth?"

I quickly covered my mouth to smother my snickers as Jeff said, "Well, I guess that is a nicer way to say it."

Bubble Gum Will Not Stay in Your System for Seven Years

I really, really like Halloween. It is a fun holiday. But what I like most about it is that the candy that it produces is the prefect ammunition for getting the kids to eat all of their supper.

You see, when the kids push away their plates and refuse to eat, Jeff or I will ask a simple question of them.

"Do you want to have a treat?"

Then when they nod their little heads 'yes' with great anticipation, we add the one and only condition.

"Well, if you want a treat then you need to eat your supper."

There usually is still some protesting and grumbling but then we bring out the bag and set it on the table. That usually is enough for them to eat.

Once they have eaten, the bag full of Halloween candy goodness is passed around and each child has his or her pick.

This conversation took place between Jeff and I during one of these candy passing sessions.

"You can't give Quinn a piece of bubble gum," I whined.

"Why?" Jeff answered me. "Are you afraid that after he chews it, he will swallow it?"

"Well, no," I said unsure of myself, "Not really."

"Because it will not stay in his intestines for seven years," Jeff said with a cockiness in his voice.

I just looked at him and waited. Trying to give him my most annoyed look.

"I know this because once when I was at Cub Scout Camp, I chewed and swallowed piece after piece after piece after piece of bubble gum and when I got home, I pooped a rather large poop that was pink with brown swirled through it. So you don't have to worry about it staying in his system for seven years. It won't even stay for seven days."

All I could do was laugh until I cried and watch Quinn chew and then swallow his piece of bubble gum.

Does This Make Me Scary or Real?

Right here, right now, I have to put all the myths to rest. I am not the good mother that you all think that I am. Now, don't get me wrong. I love reading all the comments that say what a wonderful mother I am but I just can't live with the pressure anymore. I have to set the record straight.

So that is why I am joining in with Jill from Scary Mommy. I am going to show how I am really just a 'scary mommy or as I like to call it a 'Real Mommy'.

Let my kids run around with spoons in their mouths. I try and stop them but they are just too fast.

I have them wait in the car while I run into the post office. There is just too many of them and it is really better for the post office if I leave them in the car. Because the second they go in and look at the mail just become completely unorganized. They make chaos where ever they go. But don't worry, I leave a DVD playing for them.

We eat McDonald's at least once a week. I have no reason for this. It is just easy.

I don't change their clothes if their clothes are 'just a little' damp from a diaper that leaked or if they spill on it. Having four kids creates enough laundry and if I changed their clothes every single time they peed on their clothes or got them dirty, I would be doing laundry every single day. No thank you!

I let them jump off the stairs and furniture because how else I am suppose to exhaust them so that they will go to bed.

They watch way to much TV because I don't really know what else to do with them during the day.

I give in and say yes after I have said no twenty times just to stop the whining. I am weak and whining is just a powerful weapon. Seriously, anything to stop the whining.

I don't do crafts with my kids. I am not a crafty person so finding crafts and projects for them is not something I want to do. My idea of a craft is giving them paper and a crayon or two.

I am on the internet too much. But I try to do it when they are sleeping as much as possible but sometime I just need to get on-line and escape.

So now I hope that all of you will stop calling me a great Mom. I have put out there all my dirty little secrets. And man, what a relief.

But you know what? I don't feel bad or guilty (ok, I feel a little guilty. I am a Mom and there is always guilt) about this. I am a REAL Mom who makes mistakes. A Mom who is trying to do the best that she can. A Mom who will never claim to be perfect, in fact I won't even try.

And that is just fine with me. I LOVE my kids with every fiber of my being and that right there is enough for me and them.

That Annoying Kid

You know when you take your kids to the play ground, there is always that one little kid that comes off as totally annoying.

This kid is always there trying to talk to you, trying to play get you to play with him/her or trying to ask you a million and one questions. This kid just does seem to pick up on your ques that you want to be left alone.

This behavior is all very innocent and that these children are just overly friendly. I know that they just want to be included and are generally curious about their world. The reason I know this is that I am the mother of one of those kids.

Hayden often times comes across to most adults and some kids as that annoying, overbearing child. He has a hard time understanding that every person doesn't want to play with him or answer his million and one questions. He is not the best at social etiquette and often times doesn't take the hint when people want to be left alone.

Yes, my son is that annoying child that won't leave people alone. He can't help it, he is VERY friendly. But his friendliness, sometimes doesn't go over so well.

For example:

• Pulled the ties of a woman's string bikini and therefore untying it and making fall off.
• Tried to 'help' these people build a sand castle by pouring water over the largest part.
• A woman who was reading a book to her son had an unexpected surprise when Hayden came up and sat in her lap.
• Asks random people to play with him and/or push him on the swing.
• Invites himself into neighbors homes and never leaves.
• Tries to help a woman with her grandchild by taking her up the ladder where she didn't want her to go.
• Asked a woman who clearly just had a baby why her tummy was so squishy.
• Takes food from other peoples' table while trying to make friends with another child.
  

He means no harm by these thing, he really doesn't. He is not trying to be annoying he is just trying to be included. For the most part, his advances are tolerated and people are kind to him but more often than not there is that one person, that one child that is totally and utterly annoyed by him and rude to him and sometimes down right mean.

I watch their eye rolls and sighs as they try and try again to get him to leave them alone. I watch his spirit sink when kids tell him that they don't want to play with him.

Sure he will bounce back quickly and go on his merry way trying to make a friend with someone else. But I wonder, what kind of effect is this having on him?

When this happens and he 'breaks those rules', I pull him aside and explain things but this does little to stop him. He just so badly wants to be included and honestly, who doesn't?

So what is a Mommy to do? I don't want him to turn into an anti-social hermit because of fear of rejection but I also don't want him to be viewed as 'that annoying kid' that is met with eye rolls when ever he enters the room.

I hate tell him that he needs to stop trying to play with that other child but I just don't know what else to do.

Less Barking, More Biting: The Training Begins

After reading many of your comments and realizing that I was not totally off base with this whole dog/kid training thing. I decided to give it a try. Here is the results of my first ever kid training session.

Observation:
I am going to need a TON of chocolate chips, Claire is not buying any of this and maybe I will just stick to traditional child raising methods.

Less Barking, More Biting

During some channel surfing, I have been sucked into the show, "It's Me Or The Dog." It is a show about people who ask for help from the British woman Victoria Stilwell, who is an expert dog trainer. They want help in training their unruly dogs.



Now, we are not dog people over here, we actually have a cat. That is not to say that I don't like dogs because I do, some dogs. I used to be afraid of them (there was this scary dog-bike incident of '99) but they have kind of grown on me over the years. I might even let one into my house if the correct situation presents itself.

So I really have no reason to watch this show but I just can't stop. I even watched part of a marathon the other day. I just don't get my fascination with this show. There is just something about it that keeps me coming back for more and more and more.

Well, I figured out what it was. This woman is not only an awesome dog trainer but she also has some fabulous trick for kid training, I mean parenting.

So I have decided to study her techniques and use them with my kids. For example, the 'Leave it' technique. This is where you get your dog to leave an object that they want to play with alone. When they come near the object, you say "Leave it!" When they are able to 'leave it' they get a treat. One of the things that my kids are forever touching is the TV. They are always turning it on and off when they shouldn't. I am going to teach them 'Leave It' so they will be no more TV touching.

Then there is this awesome technique, "Trade." This is used when a dog has an object that you need to take away from him. The dog will 'guard' the object and make it impossible for you to get it. So what you do is present a different object and say "Trade" and when the dog goes to the new object you give a treat. I totally see this working with the kids. When they all start to fight over a toy. I will present a new toy and say "Trade". When they go to the new toy, I will treat them.

The last technique but certainly not the last one I want to try is called, 'Place.' You show a dog a certain spot in the house where they need to go if they are not behaving correctly or getting in the way. You say, "Place" and when the dog goes there, they get a treat. I can't wait to teach the kids this trick so that when I am trying to make dinner and they have all attached themselves to my legs and I am tripping over them I can just say, "Place" and then will run to their little places and get a treat.

It is going to be so beautiful. I am giddy with excitement.

I can't wait to start this new kid training, I mean parenting. Now I know this idea of mine may be a little unorthodox but hey, no one offers kid training lessons so I am just going to take a few ideas from the dog trainers.

I will let you know if this works, hopefully my kids won't start barking at me.





Ok, ok, ok. This was all written tongue and cheek. I am not going to start using dog training techniques on my kids so but those nasty comments away. But you have to admit, it is not a totally bad idea, I am right!?!

A Weekend Review and Disgusting Habit

Alright, my fingers are itching to be back on-line. Blogging break is over! Whew! It was tough to stay away. Ok, not really but it would have been if I wasn't knee deep in snot and phlegm.

Things are getting better there. Thank you all so much for the support! Friday and Saturday were very rough but today things to seem to be looking up. We had to change antibiotics because Claire and Quinn were just not getting any better, they were actually getting worse. I spent the day yesterday with at least 2 kids in my lap at all times. But on the bright side, after all the kids were in bed, Jeff and I did get to escape this infirmary we are calling a house and go out with some friends.

One thing that comes with snotty noses is coughing and along with the coughing comes what we call 'swallowing malfunction' aka puking. It is so much fun to have sick kids, I can barely contain myself! (not)

During one of the 'swallowing malfunction' episodes, I realized something about myself. I have a really unpleasant reaction that occurs. I know its not good and utterly useless but I just can't seem to break myself of it.

You see when ever one of my kids is showing signs that they might puke, I cup my hand and put it just under their chin, sit there and wait. I don't know what I am expecting to accomplish with this act. It's not like they are just going to puke a tiny amount that will fit in the palm of my hand.

No, its going to be an explosion and go every where but my hand. I know this from first hand experience. What I should do is pick up the child and RUN like the wind to the bathroom or nearest sink or possibly get a bowl or some larger container than my hand to contain the stuff. I do any of those things? NO, I sit there with my hand under their chin, waiting.

Which brings up another issue. Why in the world do I want the kids to puke in my hand? I really don't care to be covered in vomit. Gross!

Hayden knows my actions are crazy. He will start to fell sick or heave and I will run to him and cup my hand under his chin. He gives me this look that says 'what are you, crazy?', and runs to the bathroom.

He knows, why is it so hard for me to learn? So here's hoping that by the time a cold enters our lives again, I will have learned, Hand will NOT contain puke, get a bucket, a bowl or run kid the to the toilet.

The Bathroom: Personal Time or Lets Make Mischief

A normal morning routine consists of breakfast, starting laundry, getting everyone dress, doing the dishes and me puttzing around in my jammies for a while. Just about the time, 'my morning coffee kicks in,' I put a movie on for the babies in order to give me a few minutes to take a shower and do my business.

This morning was a little different, my stomach was not cooperating with the plan. It just kept churning and turning. I kept telling it to wait, I just wanted to finish folding this one load, then I would put the movie on and I could use the bathroom. Just wait. stomach and then we can have a semi-peaceful bathroom experience.

Well, as I was about to fold that one last towel, I couldn't wait any more. I had to go and I HAD to do it NOW!

Just as I sit down to do my business, I hear Jake crying. He is not crying hard but it does sound a little muffled. I assume that Quinn has tackled him or is sitting on him. I yell for Quinn to stop but the crying continues. It is getting a little more desperate sounding. I yell again for Quinn to stop but instead, I get Claire busting into the bathroom dancing and prancing around saying, "Momma, Momma, Momma!"

I really don't think anything of this and continue with my business at hand. But the crying is getting more and more panicked and Claire is running back and forth between the bathroom and the bedroom, all the while saying "Momma, Momma, Momma". I try calling for Jake to come here but that just makes it worse.

Fine! I will stop. I suck it in, pull up my pants and see what the heck is going on. This better be good because I was so not ready.

I walk into the bedroom and see Jake stuck. It looked a little like this. (This is a demonstration, I didn't have the camera close for the real thing.)
His head was wedged under the dresser. It was really tight. I was not even sure how I was going to get him out. I wondered if I would have that super human strength that mom's get to free their children. You know, moms who have lifted cars from their kids. Well, I guess this comes in a real emergency because there was no way that I was lifting the dresser off of him.

I figured that I would just pull him out. He pushed his head under there, to get that ball you see there, so I should be able to pull him out. With a quick yank and a lot of protesting, he was free. Not happy about being birthed from under the dresser but at least he was free.

This is just one more thing to add to the list that no one tells you about when you become a mom. Going to the bathroom is no longer a person private thing and if you do get the chance to go, it will be interrupted by some thing that needs attention. There must be some censor in kids heads that goes off when any parents sits down, Mom is in the bathroom, let the mischief making commence!

Now, if you will excuse me I have to go finish my business.

Parenting Tips and Tricks- Secrets Reveiled.

(Like I said, I am moving on with life and blog posts. The puking has not stopped but a new fun of diarrhea has started. This will pass, this will pass. Thank you for all your love and support. I am coping with ice cream and Amaretto.)

When Hayden was a baby, I began to get these developmental surveys in the mail called, Ages and Stages. They would come every couple of months or so. There were certain activities to do with your baby and you would rate the child on how well they were able to complete each task; always, sometimes and not yet.
I completed each survey and then sent it back in for it to be scored. As a first time mom, I really like this. It was nice to have reassurance that Hayden was developing normally. It also came with things to do with your baby to help his/her development and different games and activities that would be good for his age group at the time.
Well since the triplets were preemies, they are also enrolled in this program. So every two months, I get 3 surveys mailed to my house and like a good girl, I fill each one out. And about 3 or 4 weeks later, I get the results and included in the result packet is a booklet called "Parenting the First Year."
I used to read every word printed when Hayden was a baby (what the heck did I know, nothing).
Now being a second, third and fourth time mom, I barely skim it over. But the other day, I actually read some of the things in there and it made me laugh. It is full of "textbook" advice that is no where close to do with real life. Here are some highlights and then what really happens.

(Disclaimer: What I am about the reveal are things that worked for me. I am by no means telling any one to do things as I did. You have to listen to your heart, read your own books and talk with your Pediatrician. Parenting is hard. You learn as you go and most of the time, make things up as you go. With that said, on with the post.)

"Babies this age (12 to 14 months) create clutter. Don't worry about it becoming a bad habit. You need to let them explore." No Shit Sherlock! Every cupboard open and emptied. All laundry baskets emptied of their contents. Every single toy box empty. They definitely have the exploring thing down. I have stopped picking up until the end of the day when they are all asleep. When Jeff gets home the house usually looks like a hurricane went through and I have stepped on about a dozen toys.

"Never leave baby alone in the car, even for a minute." I don't think that this rule applies to me, ever. I am sorry but there is no way that I am unstrapping 4 kids just to take them into the gas station so that I can pay and get a soda. I am gone less than 5 minutes. Deal with it.

"Self esteem begins at home. If you want your child to have high self-esteem, you have to help him feel good about himself. Point out at least five things that he has done right during the day. What? Point out five things that they are doing right? I am just trying to keep up with all the mischief that they create.

"It is still not a good idea to put stuffed animals or blanket the the crib with baby to sleep." I have to really disagree. My kids are blanket and stuffed animal kids. They have always had a blanket over them and a "lovey" by their head. Oh, and they slept and still do sleep on their tummies. I know it is not recommended but when I put them on their tummies, they actually slept. I am going to choose sleep every time.

"If baby is frustrated try to get baby interested in another activity or pretend to ignore baby by straighting up the room or washing dishes" Pretend? Pretend? I ignore every single fit and/or tantrum. Always have and always will. I will not be pretending to clean up either. I will be on the computer most likely blogging.

"Worrying about how much baby eats will only make you and her nervous. Don't expect baby to finish her whole plate or take "just one more bite". Let them be the judge of when they are full." I must admit that with Hayden, I was, as Jeff called me an Italian Grandma, always trying to get him to eat more and more, just one more bite. But with the babies, when its time to eat, they eat and whatever they ate was good. Sometimes it is a lot and sometimes a little. If they don't get full, too bad. They wait until it's time to eat again.

Well, that was the highlights from this month. I just turned in another three surveys, we will see what they have to say. Maybe next time, there will be something new.