This kid is always there trying to talk to you, trying to play get you to play with him/her or trying to ask you a million and one questions. This kid just does seem to pick up on your ques that you want to be left alone.
This behavior is all very innocent and that these children are just overly friendly. I know that they just want to be included and are generally curious about their world. The reason I know this is that I am the mother of one of those kids.
Hayden often times comes across to most adults and some kids as that annoying, overbearing child. He has a hard time understanding that every person doesn't want to play with him or answer his million and one questions. He is not the best at social etiquette and often times doesn't take the hint when people want to be left alone.
Yes, my son is that annoying child that won't leave people alone. He can't help it, he is VERY friendly. But his friendliness, sometimes doesn't go over so well.
For example:
- Pulled the ties of a woman's string bikini and therefore untying it and making fall off.
- Tried to 'help' these people build a sand castle by pouring water over the largest part.
- A woman who was reading a book to her son had an unexpected surprise when Hayden came up and sat in her lap.
- Asks random people to play with him and/or push him on the swing.
- Invites himself into neighbors homes and never leaves.
- Tries to help a woman with her grandchild by taking her up the ladder where she didn't want her to go.
- Asked a woman who clearly just had a baby why her tummy was so squishy.
- Takes food from other peoples' table while trying to make friends with another child.
He means no harm by these thing, he really doesn't. He is not trying to be annoying he is just trying to be included. For the most part, his advances are tolerated and people are kind to him but more often than not there is that one person, that one child that is totally and utterly annoyed by him and rude to him and sometimes down right mean.
I watch their eye rolls and sighs as they try and try again to get him to leave them alone. I watch his spirit sink when kids tell him that they don't want to play with him.
Sure he will bounce back quickly and go on his merry way trying to make a friend with someone else. But I wonder, what kind of effect is this having on him?
When this happens and he 'breaks those rules', I pull him aside and explain things but this does little to stop him. He just so badly wants to be included and honestly, who doesn't?
So what is a Mommy to do? I don't want him to turn into an anti-social hermit because of fear of rejection but I also don't want him to be viewed as 'that annoying kid' that is met with eye rolls when ever he enters the room.
I hate tell him that he needs to stop trying to play with that other child but I just don't know what else to do.
27 comments:
Awww... the poor little guy. I know it's hard to be the child that always wants to be included and feels like they are left out. I don't really have any advice for you - but to hang in there. Does he by chance have a friend that you could TAKE to the park, etc., with him so that he won't feel the need to go and find a friend to play with while there? As far as the neighbors go, I don't know what to tell you - but maybe you could arrange some playdates for him? Sorry, no real good advice, just thoughts... thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday! Hope you have a great day! Hugs, Trac~ :o)
That is so tough! You don't want to quash his naturally friendly spirit, but there is definitely something to be said for socially acceptable behavior. It's a hard line that you are walking... I am sure that he will get a bit better at it as he gets older. You are doing just the right thing.
I wish I had some advice for you but I think I am that same kind of person. :) In the mom form that's an oversharer.
But if we lived nearby, he'd be more than welcome to play with my kids and sit on my lap during storytime!
Oh man. What a difficult position to be in, I can understand your frustration. I think it might be appropriate to sit down and have a coversation with him about asking people if they want help, or if he can join them, or if a kid wants to play. It is really wonderful that he is so friendly - that will be a great trait to have in the future!
Send him my way ... my lap is open to him any day!
MUAH!
I have a feeling I'll be dealing with the same thing soon. When we're out my little man reaches for complete strangers to hold him and tries to get peoples' attention at restaurants and gets upset if they don't wave or smile back. Eeeek.
I think you don't tell him to stop! Ever!! That social eagerness is his gift. He's just too young to know how to use it. Redirect him, but don't ever do anything to make him feel as thoughhe should stop reaching out.
Oh bless his little heart! I love that sweet, friendly, trusting spirit. I think those are wonderful qualities to have and that as continues to mature socially, he'll learn how to harness those traits a little.
My son Jack has walked up to random people before like that too!
Awww...that is so sad! Your little guy reminds me of my little guy - overly social, and honestly doesn't know any better.
Now that he's almost 8, he has developed the ability to pick up on people's social cues, which is nice. But sometimes - I miss that innocent little guy who didn't know any better.
You boy is not annoying. It's the adults who roll their eyes at him who are annoying. They KNOW better. He doesn't.
My 8 year old was much the same when she was younger. She still has a lot of those qualities, but like Alecia's 8 year old, she's more able to pick up on social queues and has learned how to behave in certain situations. It'll come with time. Until then just be firm and loving and be prepared for embarrassment. ;-)
Awww what a wonderful spirit he has. I did laugh at some of the things he has done (I would of thought it funny and strange and kept right on reading if a random kid sat on my lap like that). It's so freakin' hard being a parent sometimes!
I feel your pain! My daughter, who is almost 9, is That Kid, too. She attaches herself to grown-ups (mostly women) and will talk their ears off. It gets interesting when they're old enough to start spilling family stories you'd rather not be shared. I also know how hard it is to watch them be ignored, when they really aren't trying to be annoying.
My husband would say to just let him be and that he will learn on his own. I personally would try to give him some skills to use when dealing with the tough situation. "If someone doesn't want to play, that's ok. There is always someone else to play with." I think stressing that it is ok that they don't want to play is key. That takes the focus off of him so he doesn't personalize it.
My son does similar things. I'm trying to figure out how to teach how to get along in the world without crushing any of his spirit (if that makes any sense).
Good luck!
I think that it's very sweet that he wants to play with everyone and isn't exclusive...that speaks to his character! However, I have a feeling that one of these days he will make a really great friend and then the need to continue seeking others out won't be as great in him.
oh girl i know the feeling...my oldest mason is like that...he just loves other people and just wants to be in the middle of things hanging out with someone..i can say that the older they get, the easier it gets... i've had to just let him feel out the waters and grow on his own on this one and you know what, he's now settled into a nice group of friends and when other kids come up to HIM and do the same things he did when HE was little, he is always willing to play with them... our boys just have good hearts...
That is funny and sad at the same time. He can come sit in my lap or invite himself to my house any day. Because honestly, my daughter will have already helped herself to your cookie and invited herself along on your family vacation anyways. I have one of those kids too!
I think it's just part of growing up and figuring out boundaries. My son used to get in other people's space and I just had to keep explaining to him that other people found it annoying. Now Tommy sometimes shrieks, "Natalie! You're in my personal bubble! Get out of it!"
I didnt even know where to start with this one so I read the other comments and I ditto Whispering writer. explain bubbles?
Jen...I was that kid at the playground.
Totally kidding! But, I always take pity on them because they're trying so hard!
Your poor little guy!
Oh that's tough... You're doing the right thing, I think. He'll get it in time.
My neighbour's boy is a little like that I guess. He started off a little over-friendly, but we've totally embraced his sweetness and free spirit now.
People are still going to love him. And those that don't, he needs to learn as we all do, how to deal with that. He just has to start learning maybe a little earlier. But your loving encouragement and guidance will get him there.
My teacher in me is kicking in reading this...we work on social skills a lot in my classroom.
A few ideas come to mind but I don't want to push them onto you if you aren't looking for advice but just venting. Let know if you want a few ideas...
aww - this breaks my heart- b/c my son is sort of this way - he gets way too much in people's personal space and no one ever wants to play with him at school - it does get better though - he is in 2nd grade this year and figuring it out (I just hope all the kids forgot)
I can relate because my son is very much that way too. He's just really friendly and wants so badly to be liked. Ironically that's exactly what turns the other kids off. My suggestion would be to really work on interpreting non-verbal cues so he will understand when people are turned off by his behavior and he will get his feelings hurt less frequently.
You know Jen, I keep thinking that our oldest two will be the perfect match. You could just as well be describing The Little Miss.
No, I'm under the pile also. Just came home from my son's parent conference with his first-grade teacher. He's still in other's space in class and wanting too much attention. He talks an awful a lot and will saddle up to an adult and ask them to play with him too often. I really try to work on teaching him social skills and he is making progress. I worry about him ever NOT being "the annoying kid" in his school. I've really tried balancing everything out (consequences for what he does wrong) with encouragement and love. After all...he's only 6 and home needs to be his safe-haven. Thanks for your post - it helped a lot today!
Debbie
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