I can't tell you how many times, my heart ached for these families as the came to terms with the words that the doctors spoke.
I can't tell you how my times I have sat with a patient and remembered the good things in the life and laughed at the bad.
I can't tell you how many times, I have hugged a daughter when she was about to loose her mother.
I can't tell you how many times, I have supported a son when he realized his father just couldn't fight anymore.
I can't tell you how many times, I have prayed with a patient and their family for peace, for comfort, for the suffering to end, for there to be some hope, for God to just be there.
I can't tell you how many times, I have heard the words, "You have Cancer."
I have been there when people have been told their live was going to end.
I have been there when people have been told that the disease has taken over.
I have been there when people were told there was a number on their days.
But these words, were just words to me. I didn't understand their gravity and the power they hold. I didn't understand how they could leave a person breathless. I didn't understand.
Until now.
Being faced with the mortality of a woman, who I love like my own mother, I understand these words. I understand the power, the breathlessness, the sadness, the fear, the anger, the finality.
And those words have taken on a whole new meaning. They will never be just words to me again.
I know this post is more serious than the stuff that I usually post but I have some very serious stuff going on in my life right now.
This is my outlet, my way of getting things off my chest and off my mind.
I will get back to the less serious stuff later but right now, I just needed to write this.
This is my outlet, my way of getting things off my chest and off my mind.
I will get back to the less serious stuff later but right now, I just needed to write this.
50 comments:
Oh, Jen, I am so sorry for you and your family.
When my dad was diagnosed, it knocked the wind right out of me. I rose to the occasion, doing what I could as the only nurse in the family, making sure he had the best doctors and nurses when necessary.
Your mother in law is so blessed to have your skills and love on her side. You are all in my prayers.
I'm so sorry. As you well know there are really no words to ease this pain and sadness. But I really am sorry.
And Jen, we come here for you. The whole you. If you only write the funny stuff and never pause to acknowledge the bad parts, it wouldn't be you.
If there's any small thing I can do, you know where to find me.
Oh lady, I'm so sorry. It's of course totally fine to be serious here sometimes. None of us is all roses all the time.
This post really moved me. It's true, we don't really know until we KNOW.
Peace to you.
Oh dear, there's no need to apologize. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?
I can't imagine what it is like to be a nurse. You have to be caring and supportive, but not get so involved that you get depressed with every bad diagnosis.
My heart goes out to you and your family. We've been through this recently with my sis-in-law. Multiple rounds of chemo/radiation and a bone marrow transplant from my husband (her brother). And now she is *cured*. There is always hope.
Hugs.
No apologies needed.
(((hugs)))
I have no words except to say I'm sorry for your pain. I think you are an incredible woman to be able to comfort others daily in this situation--I would not be able to handle that. I hope you have the support you need during this tough time--you always have your frineds here in bloggy-land.
You have entered the new "tween" where we're taking care of our children and our parents. My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor and a separate bowel cancer a few years ago. She's doing great now, but I immediately went into "mommy-mode" even though I was the daughter. The emotional intensity, facing possibly death, my mom's fears, my feelings, the surgeries, the hospital stays with your mom, the unknown. Both of you will be in my prayers. God's grace guided me through. He'll guide you, too.
Jen, I am so very sorry that someone you love has cancer. You have been there for others, and I'm sure you will be there for your family and friends now. Just remember that they (and us) are there for you too. There are people to support you during this tough time. *hugs*
Oh Jen, I love to read what you write, serious, funny, just life. And this is your life right now. As I have said before - I will keep you all in my prayers. Love to you girl - and such a well written piece - wish I could write the way you do.
I'm so sorry.. and never apologize for sharing things like this.. I am a glass half full kind of person, but sometimes life just sucks for a while.
*HUGS*
Jen, I am so so sorry. Please know that we are praying for healing for Jeff's mom and the whole family!
Oh Jen, lots of prayers are coming your way!!
Oh no, I am so sorry.
Your family is in my thoughts for sure.
When my Mom's sister was sick, seven years after my Mom died, my cousin came to me and said how sorry she was that she didn't do more for me back then. She said she was so ashamed and that she just didn't "get it". All I could tell her was that I was sorry she was now knew what it was like...
Those of us who have been there are thinking of you! And these may be some of the most treasured times you'll have.
I am so sorry to hear this Jen. You will be in my prayers. I'm not sad you decided to share this because now we know what to pray about for you!
God bless!
Prayers. And hugs.
That was a beautiful post. I mean, the message is very sad but your emotion is so raw. I hope that you find yourself through this tough time.
no words right now.
{{{{hugs}}}}
((hugs))
Instead of being the professional that you are, it is ok to feel what you are feeling.
Cry.
Talk.
Hug.
Enjoy the moments.
Oh Jen,
Please never apologize for being serious or for writing what you need. My thoughts and prayers are with you....you will find the strength you need and I hope you have people to lean on as you have let others lean on you.
Lee
I'm so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. My prayers are with you.
sorry to hear of your devastating news. prayers and thoughts are with you and yours
Wow, Jen, I am so sorry. I know what you mean about hearing things but never internalizing them until they happen to you.
My prayers are with you!
Oh no. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this with your family. Cancer sucks.
I am glad you posted this and I loved your disclaimer. I am known for my funny posts and sometimes, I just want to tell people how I am really feeling. I feel an obligation to make people laugh. I will now have the courage to publish the drafts in on my dashboard.
I also have two very close friend going through the reality of terminal cancer. It is devastating and weighs heavy on my mind as well.
Good luck with your thoughts.
Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. I can only imagine how much different it must feel to be on the other side, when it's someone you love hearing those words.
Oh hon my thoughts and prayers are with you right now.
Oh Jen.
Prayers coming from Australia.
And post what you want.
oh jen....i'm so sorry to hear that...i hope that you are finding comfort in such a rough time...you're in our thoughts and prayers....and i'm so glad you vented...we all love you and are so willing to be here for you!!!
Jen,
I can feel your hurting heart and am so sorry. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer six years ago, so I understand how difficult the diagnosis is. My sister found out today that she may have thyroid cancer. It's such a horrible disease.
I will add you and your sweet mama to my prayer list.
Oh my goodness, Jen. I'm so sorry. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Jen - I am so sorry to hear this. Please know you are in my thoughts.
Oh Jen, I am so terribly sorry! You will be in my prayers. (((hugs)))
Oh Jen, I'm sorry. I will definitely be praying...for comfort, for peace, for strength...and for whatever else she and your family needs.
I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh jen! I am so sorry. First off, NEVER feel like you cant say exactly what you want, when you want to on your blog... it's your place to vent (good, bad or ugly).
Keeing your family in my prayers. It's such a hard disease and I pray you find the strength and faith to see you through...
Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. ~Psalm 55:22
my heart hurts for you.
prayers and hugs.
Jen
Thank you for your moving post. I have always loved you as a daughter--even before you married my baby. Now, I have reason to be aware of your strength and talent as a fine RN. I am so grateful to have you in my corner! Love you!
I felt like this when my father passed away.
I just didn't really "get it" before.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Oh Jen, I am so sorry. It's your MIL? You're so right, you don't truly know until you're that person in the middle of it all. This hasn't happened to me yet but I know it will. Vent all you need, I know we're all lending an ear and shoulder. Gladly.
First of all, never apologize for using your blog to write what you need to write about. I've been doing the same thing and feeling the pressure to entertain and that just isn't something you need to do all the time.
Second, I'm sorry for what you are experiencing. I'm sure that having it hit so close to home makes it a completely different experience. I'm praying for you and your family. Hang in there.
Oh no, I'm sorry. Sorry for anyone that has to deal with this awful disease and that it has hit so close to home for you. Hugs and prayers.
I'm so sorry to read this tonight. I'm thinking and praying for you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I will be praying for your friend.
And of course, it is fine to be serious sometimes too!
I am so glad that you went ahead and posted from your heart. This is your life and we want to hear all about it and stand by through thick and thin.
Praying for your precious mother in law.
Oncology takes special nurses and know in your heart through your blog, I just know you brought comfort to many.
So sorry for you and your family! You guys are in our prayers.
I don't think there's anyone who wants to be on the receiving end of those words. Hang in there Jen, and hugs to Jeff too!! This must be devestating for him as well.
Still praying for you guys...
I love the raw honesty of this post.
My beloved dad died in April after a relatively short battle with cancer. I am still at the beginning of my grief journey and I'm finding there is no 'right' way to grieve. Writing can be cathartic, especially when there is an opportunity to share the words with others.
Please keep writing and don't be afraid to share your pain. There are many around who will already have some understanding and others will come to understand. Grief is a taboo subject in our culture and I've found it very helpful to hear from others that my range of emotions is normal.
Hang in there!
Post a Comment