Late Night Errands

I had had enough. There was no way that I could wait until morning, the itching and burning was just too much. I couldn't possibly take another minute of it.

I needed, no had, to go the store!

I was in bed when I had this revelation. So the only thing to do was grab my purse, jump in the car. It would be a quick trip and who would be at the store at 10:30pm at night on a holiday anyway? But just in case my whole drive there was filled with prayers that the store would be empty.

I pulled into the parking lot and from the look of things, I was pleased. Not too bad, just a few cars. I chose a spot not close too anyone. Got out and walked/ran in the store. Making sure my pace was not too fast as to keep the boob flapping down to a minimum.

When I reached the door, I kept my eyes down, hoping that the trick that toddlers use, if I don't see you then you don't see me, really work. I found my destination aisle with no problem and without a single person in site.

But now a problem arose. I had no idea which product to buy. It was not going to be a quick in and out like I thought. I had to actually think about the product that I wanted. So I began to study each one carefully, sometimes trying to juggle two or three of them at a time.

There I was standing in the aisle with all the pregnancy test, personal lubericants and vaginal anti-itching products dressed only in my jammies hoping to find something to relieve my pain and irritation, when I heard it.

" Excuse me?"

I looked up at her with a total 'deer in the headlights' look. She was young, fit, perky, and a total fashionista. Maybe she wasn't speaking to me. I looked around there was no one, just me.

"Do you know I can find the hand sanitizer?"

I wanted to sink into the floor. Dear Lord, did she see what I was holding, the products that I was so intently studying? What in the world is she thinking of me standing here in shorts that are too short, a tee shirt that is thread bare in some not so good spots looking at the vaginal itching creams, pregnancy tests and lube?

"Can you help me find the hand sanitizer? I know you don't work here but I just can't find it anywhere," she repeated.

I wanted to hand her a tube of lube and tell her to be on her way but somehow I didn't think that would go over to well.

When the shock finally wore off that someone was actually looking at me and talking to me in my state, I tried to form an answer but I just couldn't get the words out. My brain wasn't working. All I heard in my head was... Duuuuhhh.

I thought that maybe I was having a stroke. Can a person stroke out from embarrassment?

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, coherent worlds came out of my mouth instead of just mumbles, grunts and sighs.

"By the soap, the hand soap. Over there." I pointed to the other end of the store.

"Oh thank you," she gushed. "Thanks a lot." She flashed me a perfect, pretty smile and walked past me down the aisle.

Then once again, I was alone in the aisle. Not wanting to take anymore chances, I pushed five boxes into my basket, hoping that one of them would help and I wouldn't end up with five tubes of lubricant because I how would I explain that one to the husband, paid and left the store.

Once I was in the safety of my car, I made a promise to myself. If I ever had to make a late night run to the store, I would at the very least put on a bra.