When there is something major going on in the world, it usually leaks over in the blogosphere and then I definitely hear about it.
In fact that is where I heard about the story of Laura Ling and Euna Lee. They are two journalist who were captured and held as prisoners for allegedly crossing the North Korean/China border.
Well, today after 140 days they were released and sent back to the US. I only know this because someone blogged about it. If you are interested here is the whole story.
One of these women, Euna Lee, is a mother. When I first heard about this story, I was saddened and horrified that a country would just throw these women in a hard labor camp for 12 years without a trial or letting them explain themselves. Just lock them up and throw away the key. How could this be done to Americans but not just Americans, a mother.
But as I began to think about it more, I because angry with Lee for putting herself in a position to be imprisoned and therefore taken away from her daughter. I don't understand how a mother could put herself in such a risky position. Why would a mother take this kind of risk for her career?
This thought stuck with me.
I couldn't get it out of my head.
And then this thought struck a cord in my own life. In my chosen profession, I take these type of risks.* And it was not more apparent then on the day when a helicopter crashed on the roof of the hospital where I work.
Now before you get all worried and think that I have been through something horrific, I was not at work that day but I should have been. Just a few days before this happened, I had traded my shift that day with a co-worker. Thankfully, during this tragedy, no one was seriously injured and all turned out well.But in times of a disaster, patients must still be cared for. Sometimes, especially in natural disasters, nurses and other hospital personal can't leave because replacements can't get to them or the conditions are too bad for people to get to the hospital. You have to stay and care for the patients no matter what, it doesn't matter how long you have been there. You must stay and care for the patients. You, as the nurse, are truly their life-line.
Even though, the crash turned out alright and staff was able to leave when they were scheduled, it could have been different.
I often think about the 'what ifs' during this time.
What if I had been working?
What if I was not able to leave because patients needed to be cared for?
What if I had been injured or worse?
All of these thoughts leave me with the thought that my chosen profession could leave my children without their mother.
Could I make the choice; career or children?
Do I already make this choice every time that I go to work? I don't know and that is something that I am afraid of.
Writer's Workshop is hosted by Mama Kat.
*I am in no way saying that my life or career is anything like what those women went through. I am sure that they had a horrific experience. This story just made me think and this post is just my thoughts on that matter.
39 comments:
You are not alone in this fear. I think that the what ifs aren't just about work but also just driving or flying somewhere without my kids. The thought of leaving my kids without a mom is terrifying especially when they are very young.
I think all parents make this choice every day, even if we're just going to the store.
Tragic things happen without notice (I include natural disasters here).
But, as fearful as this makes us, we must make a life for ourselves and our families, and leave them, send them off to daycare or school, and trust that nothing bad will happen.
And for most of us, nothing bad does happen. We can put our fear aside, and go about our business.
I agree with June. Your children could just as easily be left without a mother when you walk across the street. Which is why I've started fearing pretty much everything since I became a mommy!
Visiting from Mama Kat's!
ditto to the comments above...it really is scary. i have the worst separation anxiety because of this! its so hard for me to go on vacation because i stress the whole time that 'what if i never see my kids again?'. motherhood makes us crazy!!
I could not imagine working in a "high risk" job while ever I had children in my care. Too risky.
But relatively normal jobs dont scare me. After all, something tragic could just as easily happen at home.
I know what you mean. Every time I use the can opener, I think, "What if it slipped out of my hand?" And when I get the mail every day, I am paranoid that a car will come screeching around the corner and pin me against the mailbox.
Okay, I'm just kidding, but like everyone else said, anything could happen. But I know what you mean... certain jobs put you at more danger than others.
My husband used to be a volunteer firefighter. At first I thought it was cool, then after a few months I really dreaded that beeper going off. I secretly hoped it was just a car crash so that he wouldn't actually be putting his life in danger.
Excellent post.
I don't think it's an either/or choice. But I think it's entirely reasonable to limit the risks you put yourself in when you have young children.
But everyday is a risk of some sort whether it's driving a car or working at a hospital. Life will always have some risk associated with it.
I too, have no idea what's going on in the world and I too have those worries... although mine hit me every time I go to town for milk without the rest of the family in the car... then again, I'm neurotic.
Great post. Makes us all stop and think.
I don't think it's a clear cut choice. Hell, just crossing the street could potentially make our kids mommyless. One just never knows where or when.
As the daughter of heart transplant recipeient, I know all too well how precious life is. A 19 year old had to die to allow my dad to keep living.
I think good parents live everyday to the fullest and love their kids unconditionally. By you doing a job that you love and doing it well, regardless of the risks, I think you act as a role model for your kids.
If god forbid, something ever happened to you at work, which is possible for any of us, we would leave our families knowing they were loved just as much as if we had been sitting at home with them.
Hallie
My son is grown so I no longer have these worries but I do remember them. Well written and very thought provoking.
We all take those kind of risks everyday. I mean, what if I run an errands just to get something I wanted and have a car accident? You have to weigh the risk against the probability. I'd say the chance of having a car crash? Relatively small. Voluntarily walking into enemy territory and getting arrested? Pretty high. And what really bothered me was how they almost treated them like heroes when they came back.
She might be a well respected journalist, but she's no mother of the year in my book.
Your post was very well-written and thought provoking, and I've even enjoyed reading the followup comments. Everyone is right, every day we take our lives into our hands -- heck, we could even fall down the stairs in our own home. We are a military family, and every day I face the possibility of living the rest of my life without my husband, and my children without their father. But, I try to keep my chin up and those thoughts deep in my the back of my mind.
Really enjoyed your post!
~ Jennifer
http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/
Certainly, we cannot live in fear. It can paralyze us into never leaving the house... Trust that you are the best mom you can be and that your job is part of providing for them.
I find myself thinking about things like this as well. But I think about them every time I get in a car. It seems like I have had to many near brushes with car accidents caused by crazed and reckless drivers that I am terrified to drive. Terrified that it might have been the last time I said goodbye and I love you to BF. Terrified.
Things like that can happen anywhere...not just work. We just have to be prudent when we can and faithful when we can't forsee.
There are risks everywhere, even in your home so you can't worry about what might happen. All you can do is use your best judgement in every situation and hope for the best.
Great post!
I think any time you are physically not in the room with your kids you make this choice -- to a certain degree. So in a sense we all make this choice to some degree.
However, I don't think I could have put myself in the situation that this woman did... I'm sure she didn't expect that this would end so badly, but they knew it was a chance. I just couldn't take that gamble...
Hmmm. That's a tough question because what about fathers who work as firemen or police men? I don't think they neccisarily are choosing careers over their children. Everyone has to work and whether your job is safe or not, somebody has to do it.
However there are some jobs, like your example, that are very dangerous and perhaps would be better off for people without children, but then again those people have a family who will miss them if they die too.
So I guess that is a long way of saying I. Don't. Know!
Good question, one that I don't have a straight answer for!
Wow. These are some very deep thoughts. I mean, honestly, we could say that we risk our lives every day just driving to work.
I will think about this today : ) Thank you.
Deep thoughts, lady.
I've found that if I think too much of the "what-ifs,' I will drive myslef bananas.
And I'm already crazy...you know... ALL marbles are completely unaccounted for.
So I pretty much just cover my ears and dance around singing~ LALAlalalala!
Feel free to join me at any time =)
First, I didn't know those two journalists got released. So I guess I am now getting my news from blogs too. I think this is a really rational fear (unlike some that I wrote which are irrational). Unfortunately, if our calling is both career and children, it is a tough balance in the best of times...let alone in times of disaster. Well written.
I am the "what if" QUEEN! omg. I worry so much. Thankfully it's not to the point where I don't go out...yet. lol
It's hard to get out of that sort of paranoia if you let yourself get too deep into it. It's a struggle of mine, honestly, especially with the kids.
You know, I stay at home with the kids just now, but I could have an accident in the house or when they are with a babysitter, too. Your whole life does not have to be about your kids.
I was at work the day the helicopter crashed into the hospital and it was scary and tense and all the things you described.
But if something is going to happen to me and leave my children without a mother I think that doing my job would be OK. You see, I would want my children to remember me as a woman who cared enough to try and help people who couldn't help themselves...who were too sick and scared. That I died for a purpose. I love our job and where we work. Just think of all the mothers that are serving our country over seas...the ultimate sacrifice for their country. True heros that will make their children proud for the rest of their lives.
I love my babies more than ANYTHING but I can't put my life on hold because I am afraid of life itself. I've felt tragedy in my family and it makes me give my kids one last kiss and "I love you SO much" before I leave anywhere. I just want to be a "hero" to them.
The what ifs scare the bejeezus out of me. I prefer to eat chocolate to avoid thinking about it all.....
I agree that we cannot be afraid of the what-if's and let them keep us from living our lives, but that doesn't mean we have to do dangerous things like wandering to the edge of a country who is notorious for its harsh regime. I agree with what Emily said most.
Great post...and while we shouldn't be afraid of what "might" happen, I think it is normal and demonstrates the incredible responsibility of having kids. The first time I went on a girls weekend and left our son at home with Hub, I think I had a panic attack after landing in NYC. Thankfully he took that baby to his mom's for the weekend which actually relieved me ...a bit. We also travel a lot internationally and now, oh, I use a MUCH different filter of where we go and whether he can go too.
Great post.
I'm going to be chewing on this for awhile. There are so many risks in life and general that we can't stop taking after we become mothers. There are so many jobs with risks and I'm not sure I think that people should stop doing those jobs when they become mothers. I don't know...like I said, something to think more about...
I agree with the notion that, in everyday, we rick our lives just leaving the house. And taking a job that has extra risks adds to that.
You do what you have to do to support your family. And as long as we don't dwell on the "ifs", we're good.
Hang in there!
And what if you lived in a country where there is no freedom for you? Where you are told you can't protest what the government does, worship the way you want to, or have the freedom to live the way you want to?
Wouldn't you want someone to tell the rest of the world: "Hey, I'm here! This isn't right! This country is not treating us right!" and to tell the world they have nuclear bombs or other weapons?
That's why those women were there. That's why they left their children. They were doing what they thought was right. And they did.
And I love that your post has us all thinking about this and whether or not what we are doing is worth it.
The helicopter day was a pretty fearful day, when I look back! I was at work looking out the window, it was that close to me! The fear didn't hit until later. With our job we really don't get to think about all of the things that put fear in our hearts b/c we would never come to work....h1n1 that is the new fear of the year! The good thing with our job, I have come to a better realization that there is someone watching over us that is really making all of the decisions! He lets us make choices but in the end...it's up to the big guy!
I think it is a matter of balancing the potential risks with the benefits to yourself and those you serve. There are dangers all around. I don't know if I would go into a dangerous place, leaving my child behind, though. That's just me.
I made the choice - I left a prime high paying job - without thinking twice! But, I was able to do this with the support of my hubbie - financially and emotionally - not all women have this choice.
That is such a primal fear to imagine leaving your kids behind...I still worry and Alyssa is 16. I want to be there when she has babies. I don't want to miss any of it.
Stopping by with a little bloggie love tonight!
You are not alone in your fear. I never even so much as thought about my own mortality...until I became a Mom. Then my non-risker-taker side of me kicked into high gear. I swear I do crisis analysis every time I leave the house!
Interesting thoughts...Isn't it amazing how our thoughts, focus and priorities change as we become mothers? How differently we view and perceive things?
I remember hearing about the helicopter crash - didn't realize that was where you worked (of course, I didn't read your blog yet then either).
We all face and take risks at one point or another and have to life by faith that we will get through them and still be able to keep our own children safe.
great post
Something could happen just going to the grocery store but it's not like you're choosing food over your children. There are everyday risks and there are RISKS unnecessarily taken. If I had to outright chose between my career and my child that would be easy - my son.
That is so scary about the helecopter crash. We have a special disaster plan in our books for just such a thing...but it actually HAPPENED at your facility!!!
I have these same thoughts. We have earthquakes and the thought that I could not go to my family is so overwhelming.
Very thought provoking post.
Lately, the question has come to my mind:
Career or Blog
I've been too busy to blog...the job has got to go!
I couldn't choose my job over my children... unless of course that job was serving as Kristen Stewart's stunt double for the honeymoon scene in Breaking Dawn...
kids?? what kids???
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