Quinn has this habit of waking up in the night because something hurts. It is usually some random body part and all he wants is a kiss from mommy. Then he is good to go back to sleep.
I know it sounds sweet and I should feel special that I have this kind of power but at 2AM, I am not feeling very special about anything.
I have tried to just let him cry but his cries get louder and louder until he is screaming at the top of his lungs. This wakes up Jake and Claire and then I have to get up and deal with them all.
So even though I would like to just bury my head in my pillows and ignore him, I get up and go give him the kiss that he so desperately wants.
This situation happened the other night, only my kisses were not working. Quinn was acting differently than he usually was when he woke up for a kiss. He was just thrashing around, crying. He appeared not to be awake. It was like he was having a bad dream.
I picked him up, trying to calm him. I tried to wake him but nothing was working. Then without even thinking, my instincts kicked in and instead of holding Quinn up right over my shoulder, I switched his position to being cradled in my arms like I did when he was a baby.
As soon as his head hit the nook of my elbow, the restlessness and crying stopped. It was like all the bad images or whatever was upsetting him just melted away. It was as if his body remembered that this was a safe place. A place that he had been held in many times before.
I stood there, rocking, in his room, with his siblings sleeping around me and I was transported back to a time about two years ago but a time that now feels like a life time ago.
I looked down at my 2 year old Quinn, who now barely fit into my arms, and vivid memories came back to me of rocking him as a tiny baby. Just me in the room rocking my baby by the light of the moon.
Then a small ache came over my arms. But it wasn't an ache from the weight of Quinn's body. No, it was an ache for Quinn as a tiny baby.
I recently realized that Jake, Quinn and Claire are the age that Hayden was when they were born. Hayden was 2 and half years old when we brought three babies into our lives. But now that Jake, Quinn and Claire are this age, there will be no more babies brought into this house.
But that is alright and I am really fine with this. The farther we get away from all the baby stuff the easier it gets but that still doesn't mean that I don't ache to cuddle a small baby once again.
Not just any baby, mind you. I ache to cuddle and hold my own babies once again. But this will never happen unless time travel is invented and perfected.
So until then, I will be happy with cuddling and rocking my 2 year olds, even if I have to wake up in the middle of the night to do it.
Deux par Deux Has The Cutest Kid Clothes
4 days ago
40 comments:
Oh...I love this post. I feel the same way. My baby is almost 4 now and sometimes I just want to go back and hold him one more time. No more babies for me either...at least I hope not (grin).
Have a great day.
Jackie
I feel exactly the same way as my babies are getting older!
Awwww...I get that ache too, when my three-year-old snuggles into me. Or when my teen hugs me and lets me squeeze her for an extra few minutes. God, where does the time go.
I get that ache too. I try to borrow a friend's baby and hope it feels better. :) And please let me know if you here about that time traveling thing being perfected...
Oh, I love this post.
My 5yr. old is almost out of the cuddling phase and I cherish the moments when she wants to come sit with me in the rocker.
My 17 mos. old is still exploring her surroundings and cuddling is too confining to her. If I want to snuggle with her, I have to sneak in during the night and take her from her crib. Usually she's too tired to protest...LOL!
I'm debating bringing a 3rd baby into our world and am praying that God's hand will guide us -- and maybe, just maybe, I'll have the chance to cuddle once again.
~ Jennifer
http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com
What a sweet post! This is my first time visiting your blog, and the title of your post caught my eye. I have 9-month old twins who spent part of last night in the bed with me, which I secretly sort of loved because I got to snuggle them while they were all sleepy and couldn't fight me!
You always hit the heart of the matter. We hug our daughters all day long but, there is nothing like the hugs you get when they truly need their mommy:-)
I love when I find those rare moments with my two year old where she doesn't want to assert her independence and where she just wants to be loved by mommy. it's such a wonderful feeling, and even the fact that I can hold her in my arms will be a distant memory before I know it. Time goes so fast - beautiful post.
kiran
So sweet. Alex has gotten the cold I am finally getting over.. and last night when she just couldn't breath and get comfortable and I sat there and stroked her hair... it suddenly made everything else seem not important, this is what matters.
This is too sweet!
My older son just the other day looked and me and said, 'Mommy pink shirt on here' and he was pointing to his bed.
He wanted me to sit on his bed so he could lay his head on my pink shirt I was wearing. He wanted me to cuddle him and hold him to my chest like I did when he was a baby.
It almost made me cry.
Thanks for coming by my blog on my SITS day and commenting, I really appreciate all the comment love!
I know exactly what you mean. When you invent that time machine...can I borrow it?
It's funny because my sister complains that she wants her children to hurry and grow up already (1 and 3 year olds), and my mother says she wishes her children were small so that she could hold them again (28 and 26 year olds). To state the obvious: cherish them while they're young!
I'm really starting to feel this way, as my youngest is already 4 1/2!!! This makes me sad - why can't we go back in time? Babyhood is way too short!
I totally have that feeling!
Been having the baby blues as my man nears 4 years next month and I have no up and coming chilluns. Sigh.....
These are the moments that make it wonderful. And there are many more special and wonderful things to come. Every age has its trials and every age has its rewards. What a dear sweet post this is.
So sweet. What a lovely post. I still nurse and rock my 17 month old every night and usually at least once during the night and I try hard to cherish it instead of hurrying through to get back to bed. It's so sweet to watch him snuggle up and I know before I can blink an eye he'll be saying 'get out of my room!'
Aww!! that was such a cute post..
although i am a first time mom and my LO is hardly 5months old but i still feel that she's growing up so fast and i am already missing the days when she was even more tiny...Si i can totally relate with you.
I know exactly what you mean by having an "ache in your arms" to hold your little baby. I feel the same way when I rock Joseph before bed.
They grow up way too fast don't they.
This post is so sweet. I so get what you mean. I ache for the same thing.
I love it when Cole sometimes asks me to rock him like a baby. He'll say, "will you rock me to sleep like you did when I was a little baby?" and it makes me smile every time.
My son just woke up really sleepy from his nap and I just sat and rocked with him and he fell back asleep. I had flashbacks and aches too. I'm so happy my kids are the age the are now and can do things for themselves but I do miss cuddling babies.
i totally sat and cuddled sofia today in starbucks bc she let me. and i sat there for 30 minutes...and i won't regret a single second of it!
Yes, sometimes I do wish I could go back and replay it all again. It's going by too quickly!
I've been known to go in my 2 year old daughter's room to hold her in the middle of the night when I wasn't home to put her to bed. Mind you, it's only happened twice...it's not like I practice this on a regular basis. It's just so hard not to pick them right up. ;-)
So glad to see you're still blogging. It's me, Melody from Pennies In My Pocket. LONG story short, I've been so busy. I'm back now, but with a different blog. Whew, life is busy! lol
~melody~
....awwww, so true, there's nothing like that feeling of your infant in your arms...its a good thing we can always recall how it feels..!
I understand...mine are 29 and 22 and I ache remembering them as babies laying in my arms also...I don't think it ever goes away.
Every now and then Sophie cuddles with me. Not often. She's too hyperactive for it most of the time. Even when she sleeps, she's always on the move. But those moments are priceless.
Love this post. When you discover time travel, let my know. Mine's almost 8. (8!)
I think you are aching for another set of triplets... =)
Kidding.
This post was insanely sweet....makes me want to cradle my 4 year old again.
there ya go, making me cry again! Darn you, Jen!
Sooo ironic you posted this this week...with Adam turning one yesterday, there was lots of reflection of him and all 3 of my babies. Remembering the first time I saw and held each one of them. The nights spent cuddling then. Nursing them. Rocking them.
I don't know where 3 years have gone with the twins and even the past year with Adam...and the realization here, too, that there will probably never be another infant here again...
needless to say, I've rocked a lil longer and held him a lil closer this week....
Well said.
I ache for my babies often too.
I sure hope the little guy will feel better during his sleep. That has to be miserable for all!
Oh Jen, you word something that is so upfront in my mind at present. Beautiful post.
Jen, that was so sweet. Will I ever cuddle one of my own tiny babies again? I hope so. Just one more. My arms ache for that day, and when those days are finally over, I truly hope I can say that I'm okay with that, like you are. Cos it sure as heck ain't gonna be easy, if the current ache of my arms is anything to go by.
Awe, I do know what you mean but don't be sad. Tristan is 6 and we have the best cuddling sessions. It's still so sweet and the best parts of mt day, so you still have plenty of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know that ache. I am on a first name basis with that guy. I still would bring another two kids into our lives, but it is not entirely up to me.
Enjoy your two year olds. There comes days ahead that you will miss these days as much as you miss the baby days.
Do you know what mate, you have written the post that I have been thinking about for a while. I also miss my kids being babies...we tried for a 4th but after 4 consecutive miscarriages we gave up. And now my youngest is going to school I also ache for those moments when they were babies - I crave the midnight feedings, the nappys (because they were little babies) the pacifiers that calmed them, their soft baby skin and sometimes I can't even remember what it felt like when they were a day old, so new and all mine. You have stirred some memories in me, I just might write that post and refer to you. Thank you xox
This is the exact reason why I still carry my three year old twins around just like I did when they were one. I hold their tiny hands in mine and do some advance pining for their soft perfection. I used to do this with my four year old, but then one day he suddenly had leg hair and dirt under his fingernails. His body is that of a little boy - not a baby. My twins aren't babies either - but they still bear traces of that time. I will be so sad to let it go.
I don't have my own babies, but there certainly is something magical about holding a baby. *swoon*
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