But this movie, caught my attention and peaked my curiosity so I watched it. And I just need to say that this movie made me want to lock up all my children until they are 25, throw away the key and stick my head in the ground and never come up again.
The movie that I watched was "The Pregnancy Pack". This is a movie that was inspired by a true story. It takes place in a small town on the coast of Massachusetts where the rate of teen pregnancy is four times the national average. The movie showcases a group of girls ages 15 and 16 who make a pack to all get pregnant at the same time.
The thing that turned my stomach during the movie was the reactions of the parents. In stead of talking to their kids about sex and contraceptives, they were preaching a message of abstinence and then providing a daycare in the school for the teen mothers so that they still finish school.
The other thing that shocked me and confirmed that my children will be lock up were the statics.
- Three in 10 girls in the U.S. get pregnant at least once by the age of 20.
- Six in 10 teens who have had sex say that they wish they had waited.
- Half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned — about 3 million each year.
- One out of 10 children in the United States is born to a teen mother.
These facts are just sobering. And frankly, they scare the sh*t out of me. I can't help but think about my children, not only about my daughter and everything that she will have to face but also my sons. It is not just a girl issue, it affects boys too.
I wish there was some way to stop time and never let my children get any older. I don't want to have to parent teenagers. I don't want to have to deal with everything that goes along with having teenage sons and daughters.
Thankfully, I have a few years until my children become teens. But the fact is that they will grow up and they will be faced with the issue of sex, among other things.
Now like any parent, I would like my children to save themselves for marriage. I would like to them to wait until they are in a safe, committed, loving relationship to have sex. But I also know that as much as I want this to happen, it probably won't and I know this from personal experience.
So they only things that I feel that I have on my side as parent is education and communication. As difficult and uncomfortable it is going to be, I (we) am going to talk to my boys about sex. I am going to have an open and honest relationship with my daughter.
I am going to arm them with knowledge about how our bodies work. I am going to arm them with open and honest communication. I am going to arm them with morals and values. I am going to pray daily, and sometimes hourly that they will make good decisions. And I am also going to arm them with contraceptives.
Ok, that is enough about thinking of my kids as teens. They are no where near this point (Thank, God!) but I know it will be here before I know it. Its going to take years, but I will be prepared (God, help me).
This is my opinion on the this issue.
I am sure that it is different from yours.
I enjoy learning about other people's point of view and opinion.
In fact, I often learn something from listening to what others have to say.
So please, share what you think but please, don't attack me.
Let's play nice and have a great discussion.
I am sure that it is different from yours.
I enjoy learning about other people's point of view and opinion.
In fact, I often learn something from listening to what others have to say.
So please, share what you think but please, don't attack me.
Let's play nice and have a great discussion.
31 comments:
oh em gee. this topic makes my stomach turn. i couldn't bring myself to watch the show (even though i really kind of wanted to!). not sure how i will handle the teen years yet. probably a lot of threatening and hanging pictures of STD's and pregnancy statistics on their bedroom walls. ;-)
I was a teen mom. And now I have a teenager ;-)
My advice? Be as open as you possibly can, even when you don't want to hear what your child is telling you. Because as soon as they sense judgment or negativity, they'll shut up and find someone else to talk to. It's hard, and not always pleasant. But as long as that line of communication is open and strong, they'll talk to you.
Kudos to you for not burying your head in the sand! I could not agree more. It is the responsible thing to do to discuss sex with your child (in my opinion). My son will never think that sex is a dirty, nasty topic. I want him to know that it is special and amazing and wonderful, with the person you love. I also agree that, of course, I would love for him to wait until he gets married. But I will make myself available to talk and condoms available when the time comes....oh man, that's hard to say but I do mean it. I want him to feel comfortable to come to me and/or his dad about anything. You rule!
(aka @scurry747)
Wow! It is hard to even think about this topic but I absolutely agree with you about education. I want my children to know sex in the context of love. And I will do my best to prepare them for that. But kids don't always do what we want them to do even when it is right (I certainly did many things that my parents did NOT endorse) and I don't want he/she making a mistake that can't be undone. So while I will teach them morals I will also teach them how to protect themselves and pray, pray, pray that they won't need the information.
Good post.
Oh our thoughts don't differ at all.
education is the key. No one wants or believes that teen pregnancy is ok, some teens make it through ok, but no one can argue that it is not in the best interest of the baby or the mother (or granparents)
we can not bury our heads in the sand and pretend it isn't possible for it to happen to us.
My boys will learn self control and respect for themselves as well as all women. That is a start.
Great post
Wow Jen - this post definitely speaks to me as a mama of two girls and one little boy. I was raised Catholic with parents who simply don't told me "Don't have sex." I could NOT talk to them about anything I was going through but I knew where they stood. I waited until I was 18 to have sex and in my opinion, it was still too early.
I do NOT want to have the same relationship with my girls obviously. I want them to talk to me. About everything. And I will tell them my opinion and tell them they should wait....but I will also inform them of their options. I just don't like hearing moms talk like "Of course my 16-year-old daughter is having sex so she's on the pill..." as if it's to be expected. I want my girls to know I do not expect them to be having sex. But I will also let them know that I realize it could happen so let's be smart about it.
Because what's worse than a teenager having sex before she's ready? Being a mom before she's ready. Yikes.
Anyway - Jen - great topic. Geez. now I'm all stressed out.
:-)
I did juvenile probation for 5 years. It is truly scary what teens face today in peer pressure and the norms. Never miss a chance to tell them you love them. Which I'm sure you do :-) So many teens would sit in my office crying because they never heard it from their parents and all they ever heard from them was criticism. It's such a harsh world.
Well,I'm all about the abstinence. But, I know many teens get pregnant not because they are irresponsible, but rather because their parents made them believe sex is so forbidden, so naughty, so hush-hush. I mean, who WOULDN'T want to find out about all that stuff, right in the angst of growing up? I know I would, and I did! I just want to have a really open relationship with my daughter (already do) and explain that sex is okay and sex is wonderful for married people and sex is a gift that God gave us. It's not bad and it's not naughty, but some people misuse it (like pornography, etc.). So, as long as she waits until she's married, she won't have any regrets.
I know it may not float with her, but I know that if my mom had talked to me more about respecting myself, and not just looking for the approval of boys through sex, I might have waited.
Great post! Wish I had cable so I could have seen it.
t is never too early to start laying the foundation...the sex talk isn't a talk, it is an ongoing discussion that starts with body parts and leads into how babies are made. eventually, it includes feelings and much more, but it can begin very basic. i will say that i had the education, i knew better and yet i still made a decision that resulted in me becoming a mom at 18. it isn't just about the facts...it's about so much more.
You have the same take on it that I do. I just recently heard a study that said all of the abstinence campaigns are not working. Statistics of pregnancy and STD's are only on the rise.
Do I want my children to abstain? Oh yes! Am I going to prepare them in case they don't? Oh yes!
My girls are lucky. I was a pregnant teenager. Why is that lucky? The benefit is that I know what I needed as a girl and I intend to give that to my girls.
Oh dear a delcate subject...
In the "olden" days when peer pressure and hormones would kick in at say 15 or 16, but girls married younger (at 18 or 19 or so) it would be possible to wait. But I married for the first (and only! :-)) time at 35. That is an awfully long time to wait.
I too plan to have an open relationship with my children and educate them.
I found myself yelling at the tv while watching this..I was a teen mom education is good but teaching to be safe is key
I am really enjoying all the comments that everyone is offering. It is so interesting to hear everyone's point of view. And the best part, I have learned a few things too.
Thanks.
I don't know if you watch Private Practice but this was the case on last week's show. One of the main character's 15-yr old daughter announced she was pregnant and the mom's reaction was really shocking. She totally went off on her daughter then ignored her and then tried to force her to have an abortion, even though she had preached to the girl her entire life that she didn't believe in abortion.
Even though it was just a tv show, it made me so sad for the girl. None of us want our children to experience a teenage pregnancy, let alone even have sex in the first place. But I think the one thing that is key is to always keep the lines of communication open, even if it's not something we want to hear. I'll have to remind myself plenty to just keep calm and just continue to let me child know that even though I don't agree with his/her choices, I will always love them and support them.
But first and foremost is talking to our kids in the first place about sex and hoping they make good choices.
Interesting topic and it was nice to read the other comments and hear other's perspectives.
i missed seeing it but i saw the adds for it. gld my kids are older! thanks for stopping by my blog. i signed up to follow you!
so ironic...we were just scanning through the guide tonight and I saw this show on the menu...and I knew exactly what it was based off of when I read the description. I remember hearing about this in the news a year or two ago. wow!
It is terrifying to think about that issue when our kids are so little...but even scarier to realize that it seems kids, younger and younger, are having sex and becoming parents themselves. I can only imagine how this debate will continue to evolve in the next decade before our kids reach the age of the students in this story...will teen pregnancy rates be higher? lower? the same? Will teen pregnancy be a "norm" by then? (I hope not...)
I guess as parents ourselves, we hope & pray that we teach them right and when they are put in a position, they can make responsible decisions...
Great post! This is a topic that is usually not talked to much about until it actually happens, unfortunately. I am a Mom of 2 boys and have chosen to speak freely about sex and relationships and emotions, etc. and especially about female anatomy and physiology. They are still quite young (8 & 11) but having this knowledge within them since they began to speak I have always thought would be very beneficial to them throughout their entire lives.
In my opinion, keeping a child within a box will only lead to excessive curiosity which leads sometimes to not-so-great decisions. My parents never spoke a word about human bodies or sex and were never approachable about such topics either. I feel that if they had been open to these topics I may have made better teenage choices.
We can't for see the future but we can make choices that will best suit the future of our future parents :)
I watched The Flying Scottsman last night, and he is terriozed by these other boys most of his growing up life and it causes emotional/mental problems his whole life. That right there made me not want my kids to grow up, let alone all of the sex issues.
It is crazy how sexualized the world is.. no wonder why the rates are so high.
Those stats scare me to death! Think I will have nightmares!
I LOVE this post and appreciate your honest opinions about parenting. The reason this particular story was so wrong was that it was true. These children make a pack to all have children at the same time and FOLLOWED through with it. Just amazing...Happy New Year sweetie and come stop by for a slice of San Francisco...
oh yes. Life as a mom of teens is rough! Thank God mine are all really good kids, but it scares the heck out of me to send them out into the world. You never know where another parent might have dropped the ball with their kids...
Those are some VERY sobering statistics.
Jen, I agree with you. AS much information as possible, because the truth is scarier as anything out there. But do it in an open and communicative way,
ohhhh lady. i watched that movie too and it hit very close to home for me. my sister was pregnant at 16 and i was at 19...my poor parents! and now being a mother of 3 i am TERRIFIED for my children, especially my sweet baby girl. all i can say is communication is key, and so is strong faith and belief in our children! i'm starting the praying now!!
I was wondering about that movie so I'm glad you posted about it. I can't figure out if TV (MTV's teen mom, ABCFam's Secret Life of the American Teenager, etc.) is glamorizing teen pregnancy or just trying to raise awareness, but it's all over the place! I'm glad you're planning to talk to your boys and girls about it though :) It seems sex is happening earlier and earlier these days...it's pretty scary
I have mixed feelings about this issue. Yes, I feel we should educate teens (and pre-teens!) about sex and safe sex. BUT, I also think that strongly encouraging them to wait until they're at least 18 is important. As the statistic you quoted said, and I would count myself in that, most regret early sex, even if there were no negative consequences. I'm just saying we need to stress to our young ones what a big deal sex is, that just because you use a condom doesn't make it meaningless.
We must talk. We are on the same wavelength. Go check my entry for today. It scares me too. Horribly. I have always known the truth, and have armed my daughters with frank and honest discussions and do my best to tell them waiting is best. But as my eldest approaches teendom the reality of it has become overwhelming!!! She is still in that eeewww and giggly phase of it all, but that will change. I like your idea. Lock up, and ostrich. See ya under the sand. ;)
this entire thing scares the sh*t out of me also. being the parent of a boy and a girl we will have to deal with both sides.
My hubs and I are teenage sweethearts I was only 16 when we met so I believe we can give them our opinion from experience.
My sister was a teen mother and because of that my mom put me on bc while still in high school. She never really talked with me about the seriousness of sex.
I know the expectation of them waiting for marriage is just crazy, but I do want them to now that sex is not just some casual thing you do with just anyone.
Oh, with four girls this is my BIGGEST fear! I jsut read and reviewed
Not My Daughter by Barbara Delinsky
http://unpinklife.blogspot.com/2010/01/not-my-daughter.html
which is based on the same pact that movie was- the one that happened almost two years ago in my state!!
I saw the previews for this movie THIS week on a DVR'd show, I hope I can watch it on demand.
I wish my little girl could stay little forever. Like you, however, I understand that it is my task to guide her and provide her with education to make informed choices (and hopefully sensible ones too). Fingers crossed for both of us.
I feel very lucky that neither myself (nor any of my sisters, who are 10+ years younger than I am) were never (or are not currently) promiscuous teenagers. None of us seem to be made or raised that way, whatever it happens to be, and it's a huge relief. I can only imagine what it must feel like to worry about your children that way.
I do disagree on one small point. I don't think I would ever wish my children to wait until marriage. I definitely want them in a committed relationship with someone they love, but I think sexual experience is a healthy thing, and I would want them to know that they are compatible with their partner in every way before committing to a life with them. Sex is not the only thing, not even the most important thing, but it IS important in a relationship, and I would wish for them to enjoy that part of their lives as well, responsibly as adults.
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