"Jenny, Grandma died."
There was a long pause as my brain wrapped itself around the meaning of those words. I believe that my next reaction was screaming, "WHAT!?!"
"Yes, Grandma died last night. Mom got the call about an hour ago."
"How is she? How is Mom?"
"I don't know. She is at Aunt T's house now. But when she heard the news she just wailed. It was the most horrible sound I have ever heard."
Right there at those words, my heart broke. I can not imagine the pain and sadness that over came my mother. Nothing else mattered at that moment. I just had to be with my mom. I had to see her but how, I was suppose to be at work. It was too late to call in. I was assigned patients, they were counting on me.
Honestly, the next few hours were a blur. I was able to get out of work early. I finally got in touch with my Mom. She was at work, wrapping things up so that she and her sister could make the long journey home. I met her for lunch.
There was not a lot of eating at this lunch. We were just together. I just wanted to be strong for my Mom. I wanted to be her pillar and hold her up. I let her talk. I let her remember. I let her cry. I let her question God.
I failed a few times at holding my tears in.
I then watched her get into her car and drive away to meet my aunt. The whole thing just didn't seem real.
I went home and began my own hell. A very sick family and trying to decide whether or not to go to the funeral.
Jeff was sick. Hayden was sick. The babies were still young, only 5 months old, and sick. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Went back and forth on whether to go or not. I cried. I have never felt so torn. Could I leave my family... but my family, my mom needs me.
At the very last minute, I made my choice. I was going. I had to go. I needed to be there. I got on a plane Friday night at 5PM and flew 800 miles. I then went to the funeral and got back on a plane Saturday afternoon and flew another 800 miles back home.
1600 miles in less than 24 hours. Was it exhausting? Yes! Was it worth it? Absolutely.
I was there to hold my Mom. I was there to hug her and support her. I was able to see members of my family; uncles, aunts, cousins, second cousins, who I had not seen in years. I was able to see and be part of the beautiful legacy that my Grandparents created.
It still hurts that she is gone. I am her name sake and born a day after her birthday. I know that my Mom is still healing from this and I don't know if she will ever fully heal. Time will tell. It is the little things that you miss, like the letters and the birthday cards.
But I know that she is in heaven. She was and is woman of God. Her faith was inspiring and what people remembered most about her. It was a faith that she share with all her children and grandchildren. And for that, I will be forever grateful and pass the faith onto my children.
Grandma JennieOctober 14, 1923 to November 14, 2007
"I love my Grandma and my Grandma loves me"
31 comments:
Losing my grandma was hard to, but it was harder watching my mom lose her mom...just like you said. I'm glad you went to the funeral & supported your mom. I'm sure that meant the world to her.
The pain does lessen but you will always miss her. I was born on October the 15th too.
My story so closely mirrors yours. When my mom told my my Gramma passed away... I don't know that I've ever felt that empty.
I'm so glad you made the choice to go... those moments are once-in-a-lifetime moments...
Big hugs today as your remember that special woman.
. . . beautiful words . . . she lives on in you and your children . . . give your mom some extra hugs!!
You are in my thoughts and prayers (along with your family). Even though it happened a year ago the one year anniversary of the death of a loved one is amost as hard. HUGS!!!
You are very blessed to have a family that can count on each other and they are more than blessed to have you! What a great post to have as a reminder of what a wonderful wife/mother/grandmother/and great grandmother she was.
i am so sorry for your loss, but glad that you were able to make the trip. keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today...
I remember a day like that. The stunned feeling was so odd. It was like I knew she was close but never thought it would happen, you know? Think good thoughts today about how much you loved her and she will be smiling down on you and your lovely family.
Oh, I'm so sorry about your grandma. That was a beautiful tribute to her. I hope your mom is hanging in and doing ok!!
What a beautifully sad story. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Love is forever. I am sure she is watching over you and your family and is very proud of her namesake!
I love your post.
Very much heartfelt and beautiful story!
Thanks so much for sharing
=0D
In a week it will be two years since I lost my Gramma. It was a hard time for my dad. As I get older, and with kids of my own, I still don't know how my mom coped with losing her mom to lung cancer. My mom was only 37. I know there was still so much that she wanted to share with her.
I am sure it ment the world that you could be there for your mom. Thank you for sharing your story.
Feisty
I missed my grandmother's funeral, Matt's frandfather's funeral, and my grandfather's 2nd wife's funeral all because we lived in the Middle East.
When my grandmother died, listening to my mom's wails on the phone were gut wrenching... and made it very difficult to deal with not attending her funeral.
Good for you for being able to make it and share in such a somber occasion.
Good for you for being able to make a tribute to a beautiful woman!
Both my grans passed away 18 years ag and I still miss them hugely.
I'm watching my mother deal with a very slow good bye with her mother, who is suffering from Alzheimers. Nothing makes you an adult more than when you want to stroke your own mother's hair when she is hurting so.
I'm so sorry for your family's ache.
Em
Your story brings a tear to my eye. My Grandma died five years ago just a week before your Grandma.
She was 92. Lived a long life, but it would have been nice to have her around a little longer.
Hugs
Your Grandma Jennie and I share a birthday. Yours is the day after, is that right?
She was a lovely woman, and it's good that you made it to the funeral. I imagine you would have regretted it otherwise.
Awe...it was awesome of you to be there for your Mom like that. It seems your grandma lead a full life and was very much loved. Happy bday to her.
Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. I am so lucky to still have both my parents ... but they themselves don't still have theirs, except Mum's Mum.
I cannot bear the thought of losing my parents. But I know that statistically speaking, we are likely to outlive our parents. And that's a thought I can hardly bear.
My heart goes out to your Mum, and everyone else who has lost a parent.
We had a run of funerals. My grandfather passed away. And then my uncle. Followed closely by my own father. They were all like family reunions. And every time we say that we need to see each other for something other than a funeral.
My thoughts are with you today...
I can really, really relate to this. My granfather and grandmother both died within a year of each other two years ago. It was so hard watching my Mom go through the loss, more than feeling it myself.
I can see the love in your Grandma's gaze. :)
I'm so sorry about your grandma, even though a year has passed. Time helps these kind of pains but nothing erases it. :o(
I got goosebumps reading this. It is SO hard to lose loved ones. It is doubly hard to watch your loves ones suffer the loss. It was much the same situation with my mom and her dad, who passed away three years ago. It still tears me up. Hugs!
I had a very special grandmother also at it is such a special relationship. I'm glad that you were able to attend her funeral and be there for your mom.
I just FEEL your words. My grandmother was such a blessing in my life and I miss her so much each day. It is still raw for me. To watch my mom miss her mom breaks my heart.
Thank you for putting my thoughts into words.
Beautiful tribute to your grandmother. How lucky for all of you to have such a close relationship. She looks like a wonderful woman.
Isn't it crazy that we who deal with death every day at work aren't "immune" to the emotions surrounding it?
How sometimes a particular patient will make you remember that we all feel tremendous sorrow in the face of loss?
I adore that picture of your grandma and your sweet baby (is that Hayden?). I'm so glad you were able to be with your mom at that moment when she needed you most.
Now I have to go blow my nose and wipe my face...you have made me bawl.
Jen... I'm sorry about your grandmother. I'm glad you made the decision to go to the funeral.
When my grandpa passed away 10 years ago... Shane and I had been married about 8 months. My parents, brother and sister were on vacation in FL. Shane and I were staying at my parent's house to take care of their dogs. We had just gone to bed when the phone rang... it was my uncle telling me Pap had passed away. He had tried my mom's cell phone but got no answer... I didn't have the name of the hotel they were at. So I called and called and called her... all the time wondering how I was going to be able to tell her that her father died. The phone rang and it was my mom... her brother finally got a hold of her and broke the news so I didn't have to. I don't know if I could have gotten the words out, to be the first one to have to tell her that.
Whew.
It sounds like your grandmother was a very special lady.
I'm sure when your Mother reflects on this very hard time in her life, she really appreciates that you were there for her.
She looks like she was a sweet lady!
I thought I would be able to keep from crying while reading this. I did OK till I got to the picture. Hugs to you and your family and mom.
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