"I Think You've Hit The Jackpot!"

The sky was a bright blue and there was a crispness in the air that sun could not cut. It was unusual to see the sun in December but is was good to feel none the less. It must mean that good things are coming. Today was a good day. Today was the day that we were going to see our baby for the first time.

I found out that I was pregnant the day before Thanksgiving. The treatments had finally worked. No more hormone shots. No more every other day blood work. No more uncomfortable vaginal ultrasounds. No more wondering if I would get pregnant. No more being disappointed.

I was pregnant again for the second time. My HCG levels had been low but steadily rising. Even though the treatments put me in a high risk for multiples, with the lower HCG levels meant that this really wasn't possible.

We were going to complete our family with one more baby and today we were going to see that little bean with the little flickering heart beat.

I was so anxious. I just wanted to be reassured that everything was alright and that there was just one baby. I wanted to see that little heart beat.

We arrived at the doctor's office and waited for my turn. I tried to busy myself reading but I just couldn't. I let my eyes wonder around the room. I watched another couple comfort each other in the corner. Then all my emotions seemed to hit me in the face. I tried to control myself but I just couldn't.

The last twelves weeks of the treatments had been an emotion hell for me. The constant worry and wonder if I would be able to get pregnant. How far would we need to take this? Could I be alright with just one child? Would I be able to adobt a child? Could we afford this? As I watched the woman cry with her husband, I too felt a tear run down my cheek. I knew the reason she was crying, I could feel her pain. Because I had been there, I was there.

I was snapped back when my name was called. Jeff took my hand and together, we walked back to the exam room.

I disrobed and waited for the doctor. I folded my arms over my belly and said a little prayer, "Please God let the baby be alright. Please God let me just see a strong beating heart."

The doctor entered the room and began the examination.

When was the dose of medication?

When was the date and time of intercourse?

When was the date of the positive pregnancy test?

When was your blood work drawn?

And so on, as he reviewed my charted. I room was quiet for a moment while he read and then suddenly he looked up and said, "Alright then, lets have a look."

My heart raced with anticipation and fear. "Please God....." I prayed and he slipped in the probe and moved it around to find what we were looking for.

"Well, I think we have hit the jackpot!" He said.

I was so busy preparing my heart for bad news, for something to be wrong that it took me a moment to realize was he was saying. When the word 'jackpot' registered, I opened my eyes a looked at the screen.

When I saw the screen, I knew. I saw two small beating hearts on the screen. Not one but two babies. All I could think was "two babies, two babies." Then the doctor spoke again, "Well, I see two here and then there is something else."

I whipped my head towards the screen as in that moment the reality hit me. "Something else? Something else? Please God let it be a tumor."

"Yup, yup there it is. See there? Its another heartbeat. So we have three strong beating hearts," the doctor said as he verified each one. "So, I would say that you hit the jackpot. Congratulations. Everything looks good so far but I will want to see you again in two weeks."

And with that he handed me the picture of the three bean looking babies and left the room. It was then that I remember that Jeff was sitting in the room with me. I looked over at him sitting in the corner, still and quiet as a mouse. I hopped off the table and got dressed.

We walked out of the room, made the follow up appointment, laughed when the receptionist said, "Wow, three babies. That's awesome," and headed out to the parking lot.

As we approached our cars, I looked at Jeff and finally spoke, "So what do you think?"

Jeff looked up at me and said, "I can't talk now. Later. Later, we will talk. Bye." And with that he lightly kissed me on the cheek, got into his car and drove off.

I then walked back to my car and once I was safely inside, I cried. I cried for joy. I cried for fear. I cried for Hayden. I cried for the unknown. I cried for the three babies. I just cried.