Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you made different choices or followed a different path? I am not saying that I don't want to be where I am in my life but I just wonder why I chose path that I did to get here.
I also sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had totally made different decisions.
What if I was more out going instead of the shy wall flower growing up?
What if I had pursued my crush?
What if I had not chosen to switch schools and therefore gained the strength and confidence to attract Jeff to me.
What if I had gone to Boston for college instead of staying my home town?
What if I became the marine biologist that I wanted to become when I was 10?
Would I be living in Florida and working at Sea World, dream job, with the dolphins?
What if I was still single?
What would my life be like if I had not gotten married at 22 and had all my children by the time I was 27?
Would I be happier than I am now?
Would I have eventually ended up in same place where I am now?
What if this is not the life I am meant to live?
See, I think that everything happens for a reason. We make the choices that we do for a reason. But right now, I am kind of wondering about my reasons. In fact, I don't even think that I know the reason. Why am I in this life? What am I suppose to do with it?
Throughout my life, I have always had goals for myself. You know, go to college, find a boyfriend, get married, have a career, have kids and so on. These were my major life goals. And right now, at the tender age of 30, I have accomplished all these goals.
So now what?
Here I sit and I am wondering, what now? Is this it? What is the rest of my life going to look like? I am just going to be a wife, mother, nurse continually caring for someone else until I die?
It all is just so normal. It is all so normal that I feel like I am suffocating in normal. I feel like the walls are caving in on me and I can't breath. This normal is killing me!
I need something else. I need change. I need excitement, adventure. I need to run away and join the circus.
I don't know. Maybe this is just me have an early midlife crisis. Maybe this is me just not wanting to deal with the painful things in life. Or maybe I am just bored.
Are these feeling normal or should I just commit myself now?
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4 days ago
15 comments:
Jen, I have read an article in a magazine explaining that (and this has some astrological reference) around the age of 30 you question your life etc. So you are just being normal girl. Although at 40 I often ask the same questions.
I vote totally normal.
I have a lot of the same questions. (And I turn 30 in January and am about to have number two so I think we're at a simmilar time in life.)
Although I do think part of the answer is that we need to raise these kids now that we have them. This requires more of myself than I ever would have thought before I became a mother.
Hope you find your answers!
Totally normal. Or at least I'm abnormal with you. Either way.
Wow, I think about that stuff all the time-- in fact, DH and I were just talking yesterday about how if things had gone our way at the start of our marriage, we wouldn't be anywhere near where we are today... and how we wouldn't change a thing. Serendipity, right?
~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com
Totally normal.
And something I do all the time.
But I do know that looking back at the if's I'm glad I chose what i did, even though some of it was painful.
I think it's normal. I often think about "what if"
-what if I'd married the guy I dated off and on in high school?
-what if we hadn't gotten married so soon?
-what if I'd broken up with Big A as I was going to once?
-what if we hadn't had Tristan?
-what if we hadn't had Isaac?
-what if I worked?
Right now I am thinking of the what elses in my life? What else is there? I want to be a stay at home mom but that's it? I just feel bored sometimes.
You are completely normal. I think about this stuff all the time. I've accomplished all of my goals except one, and I'm not really doing much about it to get there... I think that's my problem right now.. I don't have any personal 'have tos' anymore. Everything I have to do is for someone else. Everything for myself is an it would be nice.
If it isn't normal, then I will be checking myself into the room next door at the loony bin.
Totally normal. I know I often get stir crazy and just need to do something different.
That is the reason I have a lot of unfinished projects and why my kids have so many toys.. I need something new. :)
TOTALLY normal! And i have been "committed" so I am an expert!
www.atlmomguide.com
I remember that feeling...expecially when I was smack dab in the middle of the infant-toddler-preschool years.
Those times are so awesome, but feel stifling at times.
The juices will flow again and the goals and dreams will blossom!
Totally normal. My hubby turned 30 in August and he has been going through an early mid-life crisis for about the past year.
Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do or if I am doing what I am supposed to or if I really have my priorities straight.
Ugh, life is so challenging sometimes!
I won't say ABNORMAL, but I do think it's important to appreciate your life as it is, and to not constantly want more, more, more, you know?
How about a hobby? Redecorate? Start an exercise regime? Write a book?
I have a TON of "What ifs...", too. I am (mostly) at a place that I am happy where I am right now and be glad all my reasons led me here. Then again, I'm in therapy. ;)
I think it is normal. Everyone has those, "is this it?" moments.
Go read this:
http://wildquills.com/?p=14
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