As I turned the rectangular box over and over in my hands, I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I did not want to take this test. Why did have I have to take yet another test? I wonder how many tests I had taken over the past year? They always came back with one answer, the wrong answer, negative.
The doctor's told me that this month the drugs did not work. There was no way I was going to get pregnant this month. Yet again things were not working. Surprise, surprise. It seemed like nothing was going to work.
We did everything that they said. Temperature monitoring, blood tests, pill popping, charing, ultrasounds, sperm counts, scheduled sex. But still nothing.
It is not suppose to be this hard to have a baby. I am a woman. I am suppose to just be able have to have a baby. Why am I broken? Why can't I do the one thing that all women are suppose to be able to do?
So now its moving on to the next step, a more aggressive approach. What does that mean? But what if this more aggressive approach does not work, what next?
Take a pill to have a period. Great, did that. But there is another problem, it didn't work. Take a pregnancy test, they said. They are always telling me to take a pregnancy test. Why do I have to take this damn test anyway? I know it will be negative.
Fine. Fine. I'll pee on yet another stick. I'll show them. It will be negative. I will get one li ....
Wait?....
What?....
Two lines?...
What the heck does two lines mean?....
No, it couldn't be? This test must be broken....
Could it be? Could it really be? No, I can't let me self think like that only to have my heart crushed yet again. The test is wrong, it has to be. I will try again.
Two lines.
Sobbing, I take the phone and call Jeff. I can barely dial because my hands are shaking.
Systems, this is Jeff.
I peed on a stick and there is two line. Two lines!!!!
What?
Two lines!!!!
What does that mean?
p-p-p-Pregnant. I think I am pregnant. *sobbing harder now* I don't know what to do.
Well, you should probably start by calming down, take a deep breath, and call the doctor.
Yeah, call the doctor. *sniffle*
And Jen, this is a good thing.
Yes *sniffle* Yes it is a very good thing.
And 9 months later....
Hayden Jefferson was born.
42 comments:
Oh wow that is so moving! Isn't life just so full of gorgeous surprises? What a heaven-sent little bundle of joy! I love that piccie of the two of you loving on each other .... almost makes me broody!!!
ahhhh..hayden jefferson...he was just as precious then as he is now! i lvoe the story! ours is similar...i'm telling you, we might be twins seperated at birth!
I can relate to this story WAY more than you know. It took my husband and I 5 1/2 years to get our wonderful son. 5 1/2 years of EVERYONE else on the face of the earth getting pregnant, 5 1/2 years of pills, scheduled sex, surgery, you name it! 5 1/2 years of heartbreak upon heartbreak! I think those of us who have a hard time getting pregnant (or in my case, are told we will more than likley NEVER get pregnant) are a special group of women (now moms)!!
i already love this story :-)
Okay, now you'd better post part 2: How we came to have triplets. YOu know inquiring minds want to know.
Great story Jen. :)
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!
and I can't pee on ONE MORE STICK!!
Look at that precious bean. Our journeys are all so different right? All different but all miraculous in their own right.
Hey - hope you can stop by MWOB today - we have a little community project going on....
Happy Tuesday.
You are blessed!
Thanks for sharing your story!
That's an awesome story!! I always love a happy ending!
It's so amazing how we each have such different experiences. I am happy you got everything you wanted. Sweet picture. Nothing like a new baby wrapped in that hospital blankie.
Awwwwwww That's just precious.
What a wonderful story...
LOL bleh, I wasn't prepared for that! I couldn't help but tear up...such a great story.
Thanks for letting us in to such a personal and wonderful memory.
what a great story. thank you for sharing it! so special.
I totally feel your frustration....and your elation upon learning you were pregnant. It really shouldn't be so hard to get pregnant and it always seems the women who want to be a mother so desperately (and who are always the most awesome mommies!) seem to have to work so very hard to make it happen.
I guess good things come to those who wait. Look at the amazing gifts you've been given.
Thanks for sharing the story.
What a great story!! I mean, the negative stuff is heartbreaking but I could feel your excitement!
Awww, Great story!!
With my first I thought I had misread the test, so I took another. Then my mom made me take 2 more just to be sure. 4 pregnancy tests can't be wrong.
That photo is killin me with cuteness. I love it when they are small like that and they curl up into that little ball. Oh man it is making my ovaries hurt and want more children.
I loved your story! I will never forget the day I found out I was preggo...of course I didnt know it was three till weeks later. I was so nervous to find out that I kept not answering the calls from my dr. The called my work and cell and I still couldn't pick up.
Blessed, Jen...you are BLESSED. And I know you know it.
I have to agree ... BLESSED is the perfect description.
Aaawwwww!! That was a really cute post! I am so glad you were able to have the sweet beautiful babies you have! I bet you're a great mother. :)
What a little miracle. Thanks for sharing!
awww! that's worth writing down!
Beautiful story, it brought a tear to my eye. Thanks for sharing your intimate details of your life.
Hayden Jefferson is a doll!!
So sweet! I'm happy you're on the Welcome Wagon!:)
Very sweet!
Stopping by to say hi to my fellow Welcome Wagoneer:0)
Makin' me cry, Jen. That is a beautiful story. I really ache fr all women who find it hard to get pregnant, and I feel a bit of survivor guit sometimes because it's not hard for me. Why? Why is it easy for some, and hard for others? And why is it so easy for some that they choose abortion ... I'll never understand it.
Praise God for Hayden. Can't wait to hear about the triplets.
If I were the type of person to cry at happy things, I would cry at this post. It is only now that I can maybe understand a tiny bit of what all those negative test felt like. I could never have had as much as strength and purserevance(sp?) as you. You are an amazing person.
Awww! That was the best surprise ever!!!
what a wonderful post! I had problems having a child with my husband (3 years of dealing with secondary infertility and 2 miscarriages) so I know a little bit about where you are coming from.
I also can imagine a little of what you felt when you saw those two lines.. but it was nothing compared to what you felt when you looked into your little guy's eyes...
Happy Tuesday SITSta!
I LOVE these stories...I can't wait to read the next installment!
Lovely! Can not wait for the next installment.
What a beautiful story. We did a little infertility early on, but then adoption kept pushing at us both. Now that I am 37, I'm thinking I want to try a bit harder to have a biological child. I'm not set on an outcome. I just don't want to 80 wondering if I should have really tried. I wish this thought had occurred to me about 10 years ago.
You have a beautiful family Jen. What a blessing the "pile" of children is.
BTDT. You have a beautiful family!
LOVE it...I gotta stop reading all of these baby posts... I spent the day looking at the kids baby pictures & getting sad..I think I want another..... Whaaa...
Thanks for sharing the story!
Feisty
I finally had time to read one of your blogs and I chose the right one. Your story is moving and sheds so much light on how trying infertility can be. You are so blessed to have 4 beautiful children. I can relate 100% to what you said and somehow managed to have the same exact outcome with 3 boys and 1 girl all through fertility treatments.
Our quest to get pregant was a little different
Life is so unfair I think! My husband has 3 sisters who all struggle to get pregnant. None of them have been successful yet. Me on the other hand, had no intentions of getting pregnant so quickly after marriage and yet I somehow managed to get pregnant 3 times while using birth control! I've never peed on a stick that came back with just one line. And I, too, cried each time. But mine were tears of "Why now? I'm not ready for this!" I guess the Lord always sends us the one thing that most challenges us.
Glad you have your 4 little ones now. Send a few prayers this way to my husband's 3 sisters! I cannot even imagine how difficult infertility must be.
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