I knew that this was coming. I had been thinking about it and preparing for it for sometime.
It is just a natural progression of life, everyone goes to kindergarten in fact some people even go twice.
This is just something that everyone must go through. It just happens to be time for Hayden to go through this.
But there is just one problem. I know all this, my brain was aware and had been making preparations but along the way I forgot to tell in my heart.
When the packet arrived in the mail this week, with all the paper work that needs to be filled out and all the dates for meetings to attend, my brain went into action adding things to the calendar, filling in the information, lining up a baby sitter or two but my heart,
my heart began to ache.
How in the world could we be at this place already?
I still remember the morning after Hayden was born. Just the two of us sitting in my hospital bed, cradling him in my arms. Just looking at him. I was over come with emotion that can't be explained but every mother knows it once her child is born. And the love, this new and wonderful love that I had never felt before filled my heart.
I did not know it was possible to love an other person that much. The saying is so true, I felt as if my heart was right there in my arms. The fact that I could love this person that much only hours after we had been formally introduced was baffling and overwhelming. There was no stopping the tears. Tears of joy and fear and worry and what ifs but mostly just tears of love.
I remember coming home from the hospital on my 25th birthday, walking into the house, sitting on the couch and looking at my new baby sleeping soundly in his infant carried and asking Jeff, "Now what? Now what do we do?"
I remember mornings while I was still on maternity leave after Jeff had left for work. I would go and gather Hayden from his crib and crawl back into bed. I would hold him close to me as we both slept for a few more hours. His little body fit so perfectly cradled in my arms, under my chin and next to my chest. It was like he was meant to be there and of course he was because that is where your heart is suppose to go.
All those memories are so fresh in my mind that it just doesn't seem like it can be possible that this fall he will be going off to kindergarten. He will be going off to start the beginning of his educational career that God only knows where it will take him.
Time is just so funny. I wished it away as a child and teenager and now, I want it to slow down. I mean, I blinked and now he is going to be going to kindergarten. I feel like I am going to blink again and he will be in middle school and then in a heart beat he will be in college and off to start a life of his own and maybe even a family.
I am truly excited for him to start this journey. I know that he is ready. I am not worried one bit about how he will do in kindergarten, he is going to love every minute. In fact, his little mind is just yearning for it.
It just breaks my heart because I know that him going off to kindergarten is just one of the many times that I am going to have to let go.
I am going to have to slowly loosen my hold of this child and send him,
send my baby...
my heart
off into the world. I don't know if I am ready and I don't know if I ever will be but I guess the is why I have Faith.
Deux par Deux Has The Cutest Kid Clothes
4 days ago
55 comments:
Written with such beauty! You are talented girl. Yes, it is such a bitter sweet thing, this growing up and sending them into the world thing! Good luck!
Oh Jen. I can tell by the way to blog about Hayden that he is so very special, the apple of your eye. I'll pray that you and he have a great time with the kindergarten days, and that you'll always cherish these beautiful memories of when he was younger.
Take some Kleenex.
:::sigh::: I know, I know. My oldest is 20 and my baby boy is in 4th grade now. Thank goodness he's not too old to still snuggle. His older brother is. ::::sigh::::
My little man is signed up for two morning a week preschool next year.
I have very mixed emotions about it.
I know exactly how you feel! I just signed my daughter up for kindergarten and I cry every time I think about putting her on that big bus all alone! She will be fine, but I am not so sure about me:0(
i am there with you with hayden's wife to be...kindergarten is a tear drop away...and her screening is this morn. our babies are growing up. and i know that's good, but sometimes i would like to be able to slow the scale back a little to cherish the time a little more...paige starts high school this year...and to this day, i have no idea how that happened.
Great post!
It was so hard to send my baby off to kindergarten. I managed not to cry on his first day of school and shocked everyone.
I don't know where all the time goes. Everyone tells you "enjoy them while they are young, they grow up too quickly." You try to but time just flies by. My baby is going to be 9 years old next week.
You just made me cry. I got my middle school registration papers last week for my eldest daughter and I am just so sick. I, too, wish I could stop the clock... freeze time.
awww!! Big Hug, Jen!! It's bittersweet, that's what it is.
Nananananna, (sticking fingers in ears) I don't want to hear this! My baby will be my baby forever. Why do they have to grow up?
Ahhhh!! You hit the nail on the head for me! My youngest is on the same path as Hayden...kindergarden in the fall. It doesn't seem real but it is. It was hard for my oldest but even worse since this is my last one.
The time does rush by too fast, doesn't it?
We are going through the same thing here. I not ready for my baby to grow up! I just want to freeze time for a bit longer...
what a beatiful post, it was just excellent, captured exactly how i felt when my son Chewie was born.
:D
Laura aka Little Rockstar's Mom
What a beautifully written post! I look forward to the time when I am a mommy, even though it's full of heart-sad times like these!
WAAAH! I don't even want to think of this yet!
I LOVED snuggling with my little guy tucked in close to my chest- I could picture it perfectly. And his hair smelled so sweet...sigh...
Maybe you should have another baby? (haha)
This post is so sweet. I smiled through tears reading certain parts. My little one is in 1st grade, and I'm not sure it'll ever get easier 'letting them go'...and that's ok :)
What a beautiful post. You sound like such a wonderful mom.
Thanks for the very kind words about our blog:)
Very well said. And so true, about time. Is this what it means to be over the hill? Am I on the downhill slope? --because time speeds up the older I get.
I had the same feelings you do when I sent my baby to kindergarten. I got the same feeling last year and this year as he started a new school year. He's in second grade now. It is wonderful to see him grow though. He loves school, he loves to go see all of his friends. He is just fine. This morning he didn't want to go to school though. He wanted to stay home and "snuggle with momma". That made me feel like the best momma ever. I think it was the first time he wanted me instead of his friends. :)
There are days when I drop peanut off, she cries a lil for me to pick her back up, I dread going off to work, and every inch of me wants to scoop her up and run home with her as fast as I can. I can't imagine what kindergarden will be like! Hang in there and tell your heart it is okay to break...its your baby, and this too shall pass. Hope all works out well! :)
They do grow up so fast. Too fast, in most cases.
Before you know it, he'll be off to college...oh no that's me next year. ~sigh~
So well put!
Now, to find some kleenex's to wipe away these tears!
That's beautiful. I wish you and Hayden the best of luck -- thanks for reminding me to cherish every moment.
Well said. I just want to go through everything for them and save them the heartache, but how would they grow?
oh I know this feeling well!
I totally TOTALLY understand! I couldn't bear the thought of my babe going off in Sept, away from me, away from all our fun and play and family. Especially since he had been bullied in daycare! And especially with our eldest "leaving" next year for University. Time is so quick, so precious.
But I also know there will be days - THERE WILL BE MANY DAYS - homeschooling in the years to come, when I wish he'd have gone to school ;-).
Ugh--I totally know what you mean! It is SO hard! I wasa complete basket case when Gooser started kinddergarten this year--and now the year is almost over and I'm turning into a basket case again!!
Time goes by so fast. My big girl is almost done with first grade and more often than not I wish she could just stay home with her sister and I. I am overjoyed when 3pm rolls around and I get to go pick her up from school!
I'm totally posting about this soon too.
We attended Kindegarten roundup last week and I can't believe how fast it's approaching.
And to think...someday you'll be looking back and think "how is it he's ready to DRIVE?? Just yesterday I was enrolling him in Kindegarten!?!"
Jonathan is two and I try not to think about him going to school. What you said about him fitting just perfect...so true. That makes me think of all those times taking naps with my newborn and how he fit just write in my arms and next to me. Wonderfully written. Now I'm going to go cry a little while.
Oh just great, Jen...now you have me all mushy and teary-eyed. This was so beautifully written...and I'm at the same point in the journey as you are. My big twins will be off to kindergarten in the fall and I can't believe they'll officially be "school-aged" and no longer considered "preschoolers".
They're so excited about it and when I hear them going on and on about it, I'm like "um, could you all act a little less enthusiastic about this...Mommy's having a moment". Bella says I should be excited because them growing up means I don't have to wipe their butts anymore. So maybe there are perks to the whole kindergarten thing?
oh boo. and it's not just one heart for you, it's four! i know you'll get through it, but still... boo to kindergarten!
Cherish all of those times for all of your babies! They grow up too fast, but being a grandmom is even better than being a mom if you can believe it. My baby is nearly 25, his baby is nearly 19 months, and she is the sweetest joy I have ever known! That doesn't seem possible, but it is!
Jen, what a lovely post. I remember when Reid went to Kindergarten like it was yesterday. She seemed so little and I missed her so much.
The great thing about letting go is that it happens in baby steps. K is just a little tiny step in the process.
(( hugs))
I sobbed about his for weeks leading up to the first day of school.
But once they are there and loving it...meeting new friends...learning so many new skills, you will wonder how everyone survived before school. And.....dare I say it, you will look forward to him going!
Is kindergarten every day in the US?
I so relate to this post! My son will start Kindergarten in the fall and we're going the registration and I'm thinking "How is this possible?" Loved this post.
Awwwww...It'll be OK, Mom...I promise!
Okay, you totally made me cry! *sniffs* That was so sweet! It is amazing and sad how quickly time is flying by now that we want it to slow down. :(
While it gets easier, it never loses its impact on your heart. That's just what kids do to us. They're there in our hearts, touching us at the most unsuspecting moments.
The truest joys of being a mother.
It's a sober moment, for sure!
I love my little boy with all my heart, too. But to me it seems a lifetime ago that he was born! Five long years ago in the distant past...
So absolutely beautiful...each milestone is harder for us than them!!
Your writting took me back to the day my twins were born...so true!
OMGosh. You just made me cry. memories came flodding back from when i sent Keith off to school just 2 years ago and I have been cringing at the thought of sending Will off to handicapped preschool in the fall. I am not ready!
OH> You have my sympathies.
Okay, you did it. I am officially crying. God bless you and your wonderful blog!
I hope it all goes smoothly and you have some time to get used to the transition. Poor Mommy.
It really doesn't help that those packets are so big.
I had to keep reminding myself that T already goes to speech therapy at the school where he'll attend kindergarten and that he loves it, because the whole time I was filling out the paperwork, all I could think of was, "what if they lose him?"
We can hold eachother's virtual hand next fall. It is achey.
Isn't it amazing? The time just flies so quickly! It is mind boggling! You seem like a wonderful Mommy! He is lucky to have you!
Awww! {sniff, sniff}
I was a tad more sad this past fall when M started Kindergarden than I was two years ago when H started... 'cause I realized it would be the last "first day of kindergarden" my kids would have!
Jen, this is the best post you have ever written, in my humble opinion.
You put into words exactly what each of us feels about our babies, especially our firstborn.
You are so right; time just won't stop flying by. Makes me crazy. My firstborn is in fifth grade this year, but I can remember all of the moments you describe like it was yesterday.
I pray that Hayden (and YOU) will be blessed with a great kindergarten teacher. That makes all the difference.
Love you, girl.
Now I need to go find a kleenex.
*sniff*
I was sad to see Graham go to school... he was THREE when he started going... by the time he was FOUR he was full time...
Funny how things change... it's vacation week right now... I cannot WAIT til he gets back on that bus next Monday!!!
wonderfully written! that is exactly how i felt a year ago getting little man ready for kindergarten!!
Awe!!!! I think about this a lot too. Tristan will be going in September and I know my heart will sink a tad!
My baby starts Kindergarten this Fall. I remember how it feels as the first one goes to school because it still feels like that with my youngest.
My oldest (Hayden) is in 3rd grade this year, but it seems like yesterday that he was walking into that K room, so big and proud! They grow up fast, but remember, watching them grow is also a fun adventure!
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