"We are not good at taking care of things."
Now I don't remember what we were talking about but the idea of that statement stuck with me. Actually when he said it, it kind of took my breath away.
At first I was going to get all mad and argue with him but during this conversation I actually thought before I opened my mouth. So I did not argue. I was just silent.
I think that the reason that this statement felt like a blow to the stomach was because for the most part it is true.
Now, I am not talking about caring for my children. I believe that we are doing a pretty good job at raising our kids but time will tell with that one. What this statement is referring to is things, material things.
There are many examples of this all over our lives. Our vehicles. My minivan is verging on disgusting. I am not fooling anyone, it is disgusting! There are so many Goldfish cracker on the floor that I think that when the lights go off in the garage the goldfish are totally getting busy. I mean, reproducing like rabbits, busy. There is much more than goldfish on the floor. Its just that the other stuff is so gross that it is no longer recognizable.
Lets move to the house. I love my house, I really, really do but I am terrible and keeping it up. I hate cleaning with a passion and you can totally tell. My carpet is screaming at me to be cleaned and vacuum. The window are begging to be washed. And my furniture, especially the couch, is begging to be put to rest in a cough graveyard. It has been bleeding green stuffing for months now.
Outside the house is no different. Our grass is so long that today while watching the kids play, I could barely see Claire. She is the shortest one but really there is something wrong with grass that tall.
So those are just a few examples of how I don't take care of things. But I want to know why? Why am I not one of those people that has stuff that even though it is 10 years old does looks like it was ever touched? How come when I have something in my possession for a week it is no longer recognizable?
Does this make me lazy? Am I lazy because I don't take care of things?
I am not sure but to be honest with you it might. Because you see in a perfect world, my idea of taking care of things would be to pay some one to take care of it for me.
The house needs cleaning. Hire some one to clean it.
The yard needs weeding and mowing. Hire some one to do it.
The van need to be decontaminated. Hire some one to do it.
The furniture needs to be replaced. Hire some one to do it.
The kids are bothering me and bored. Hire some one to fit that.
Perfect. Things get done and I don't have to do it.
So just so you don't think that I am a totally hoity toity b*tch, ask me what I would be doing while all these people are doing this stuff for me. Go on, ask me what I would do with all the 'free' time.
I would be working. Yeah, working to pay all the people to do thing stuff for me. Oh and I would be at the spa. But for just a little bit. I need to relax too. And then I would at home enjoying the cleanliness, my well trimed lawn and happy kids.
So I don't know is that lazy or is it just a creative way to get things done?
This post was inspired by the prompts for Writer's Workshop.
Please see other posts here and no, you can't pay other people to read them for you.
Please see other posts here and no, you can't pay other people to read them for you.
60 comments:
Creative!!!
We used to have a running joke with my friends and I that we all needed to marry Rich, because we are Creative people. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way for any of us.
Hey cool! I was first! Also stopping by from Mama Kat's.
Happy Thursday!
Angel - I knew Rich, he wasn't a nice guy!
And Jen: I see four reasons in the pic that tell me why things aren't getting done...and when it comes down to it, those four little people matter more than a clean van. When they're not so little, you'll have time to take care of the other stuff.
June Freaking Cleaver made a really good point!
Very creative! I would be the same way, if the world was perfect. Thanks for reminding me of the overgrown weeds in the flower beds, stains on the couch. Although, I must say we steamed the carpet last week.
i'm going with creative...here's the thing, my mom had everything perfect and i remember bleaching the baseboards in my room once a week {true story} but she never sat and just watched a whole movie with us. she was/is a fab mom but having things perfect ate her up. i'll take goldfish reproducing *snort* any day as long as it's not horrid, and i'm sure it's not.
kids or clean house? hmmmm...i'm going kids!
Things, schmings. Happy and loved kids are what matter!
Oh, it's just totally creative, hands down. I would do the same thing. Your post just resonated with me because my husband and I are like that too. I just don't like to clean...however, I would definitely put US in the lazy category!
You are not lazy, you just have different priorities. Even if you didn't have kids, you would still have those different priorities over a clean house, car, etc. I understand it. Rocky wouldn't ;). He and I had to come to an understanding a long time ago, or our marriage would never have survived this long. In the past several years, he has relaxed and my standards have come up. Though it still takes me a full 2 days to finish laundry (including putting it away), which is one of the many reasons I will never use cloth diapers.
I am not being judgmental.....just calling it as I see it. You asked....my thoughts.....
I have spent most of my married life alone....taking care of the children, home and yard. My husband was an officer in the US Navy and gone most of the time. I was not brought up to clean house, mow lawns and manage a bank account. These things I had to learn as I went. But I did it because it had to be done.
And yes I learned to do it all including calking tubs, changing light fixtures, and mowing lawns sometimes with a baby strapped to my back. If you want a nice yard, clean car, orderly home, you need to take control, get organized and do it. As in the wise words of Nike; Just Do It!
To take care of one's property as one takes care of one's self is to value one's self and property. This is an old Confucius saying. It means that if you truly care about your self, value yourself, you will want to take care of it / yourself. I think your problem (and it must be your husband's as well, for why doesn't he clean up or mow the yard) is no one instilled these values in you as a child.
I don't think this makes you less of a person nor does it necessarily say you are lazy. You just don't put your home and yard on the top of your list. You have other things that you prefer to do and that matter more to you.
Years ago, they had a saying....
"Don't judge me by the weeds in my yard. I am not the fallen leaves that blanket it."
That said; don't be insulted when someone turns down a dinner invitation or a ride in your van. :-)
Have a beautiful day....
You have your whole life to do the other stuff but you only have a few to take care of your kids so enjoy every second.
Thats my motto anyways.
We call our house "lived in" because while the baseboards need dusting more often and the windows could use a scrubbing, most things stay picked up. I choose not to spend my time dusting & scrubbing because I'd rather attend perfomances, concerts & football games to watch my kid. I'd rather go to the park and play with my niece & nephew. I'd rather roll around on the floor taking pictures of my granddaughter. I'd rather be on the back of the Harley with my husband.
Simply, I'd rather enjoy the time I have with family & when I'm gone no one will care that my house wasn't perfect, but they will know I loved them endlessly.
I would have to go with creative, but I usually refer to it as "time management". There are only so many hours in the day and with two working parents and two demanding toddlers, something has to give.
In Sept 2007, we finally decided to hire someone to clean the house bi-weekly. Best decision we ever made...my house is clean at least for a day every two weeks, she is doing a better job than I would have, and we have more time for the kids. I used to always dread the weekend, because I knew I needed to clean the house 1/2 the weekend. Every once in awhile, we hire someone to cut the grass, but my husband prefers to keep that item in his control.
Highly recommended if you find yourself torn between family time and maintaining a home time!
Good grief I'd hire someone to do everything if I could! :o)
Joy, via Welcomistas
well dear girl - give yourselves a break - you have been pretty busy with 3 little ones and a toddler running around!! I would have been committed by now!
Wait, I had to stop for a second to see if I wrote this... I am exactly the same way!!!! I say until bugs are crawling around, your gets are getting sick from the mold, you're wearing your underware inside out because everyother pair is dirty, or you lose someone in the yard...let it be! :)
until you can be featured on that show "Clean House" you are doing a good job.
I agree with Kisatrtle.
I say good Mothers keep a messy house. Then you know they are mothering, not just cleaning....besides, the only time there is to get these things done is when everyone else is asleep - and that just wouldn't work! Moms need to sleep too!
Girl you are totally speaking my language. I envy people with really clean houses and spotless carpets. They are the people who insist that everyone - family and guests alike - remove shoes upon entering the house. I prefer to make people feel more comfortable that a little dirt won't hurt my feelings or my precious carpet.
It makes my carpets a LOT dirtier a LOT faster, but I think it makes people feel more like family than visitors.
I am sure you are the same way.
I think its easy to let the house "crap" go when you have kids, let alone 4 young kids like you do. So much of your time is consumed with your kids, whether its watching them, playing with them, reading to them, taking pictures of them, feeding them, bathing them, and all of the million other mom things that you do. Its hard enough to keep up with them, let along finding the time to keep things picked up around the house. It becomes too overwhelming and you choose to do the more important thing...be a good mom to your kids.
You're not the only one, Dear. I'm embarassed to have anyone just "drop by" because my house is such a mess. My car has been washed twice since we got it, two years ago. With two young kids, I see no logical reason to vaccume it out. The moment I do, they'll spill something else... I'm a pack rat, and it shows.
But, my kids are healthy and happy. I play with them rather than cleaning the house constantly. The dishes are piled up in the sink, because I'd rather be playing with them or writing...
You'll find balance, some day. :)
Very cleaver. Yes I think if the grass is above someone head it might be too long...
Very funny. Great writing!
Stopping by from Mama Kats
I agree with the other moms on this one. You only get a few years with those precious wee ones and the cleaning/stuff will always be there.
And, for the record, I too hate doing all that stuff and would much rather hang out with my kids or take some time for my own mental health. (hence the name of the blog...Crumbs in the Minivan! Don't think that doesn't include a whack of fish cracker remnants, too!) :)
So, my vote is CREATIVE! (and a loving and fun mom/wife)
I vote for creative! I so feel you on this one- my husband and I have a huge to do list for stuff around the house/yard and it just never gets done!
But really, at the end of the day, you are doing a great job with the kids, and that's what matters!
Part of it for me is it just gets messy again and I feel sad all over again. I LOVE a clean house, it makes me feel energized. But with 2 kids, 2 dogs, and a husband it never stays clean. As for the outside...that is a work in progress. Aaron does the lawn I do the flower beds. As long as the toys are cleaned up (and by cleaned up I mean thrown in the garage where no one can see them) I am pretty happy. It also comes down to the fact that the boys just don't want to sit and watch me clean. They tend to get a little ancy. Fortunately I live so far out in the boonies that nobody just drops by...I have sufficient warning to clean up when people come over. Thank Goodness!
I do not take care of "things" very well, either. I have to agree with the others, that those types of things are not high on your priority list. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because what is at the top of that list is most important: your family.
I can only speak for myself, but there's a little laziness thrown in my mix, as well.
Oops!
; )
Personally? I think you and your family are just "living"...Not lazy just living. You are putting all your efforts into being a family and living life. Who wants to stop playing or reading or laughing with your kids to clean out the goldfish (which I think the cousins of the fish in your van have begun to reproduce with the Cheerios on the floor of my Civic)?
Just live life and everything will fall into place.
Glad to know that I'm not the only on with an active vehicle floor colony of gold fish.
I don't think anyone in the world could take care of "stuff" when there are 4 kids to take care of. You're not lazy. You just have your priorities right.
I believe a perfectly clean house is a sign of a demented mind.
At the end of the day if my kids are happy and taken care of, I've done my job well! Raising kids isn't a calling for the lazy....but I have to admit...I have a cleaning lady who comes! It's GLORIOUS! I'm not gonna lie!
*raises hand*
Me too, me too! If only I could hire someone.
*le sigh*
I think any sane person would rather pay someone to clean the house. Who in their right mind enjoys cleaning.
I am with you! If I could afford a gardner and a house cleaner I would hire them in a heartbeat.
I love it when I read someone's response to a prompt and I get so caught up in the post that I forget they're actually answering one of my questions.
We live parallel lives. My sisters are clean freaks and I try REALLY hard to care and want to do it...but in the end I'm just a slob. The only reason I clean as much as I do is because the house is my business. I have to keep it (the main level) looking nice because so many people come and go.
And really...WHO wants to clean all day!?!
TAG!! you're it!! I tagged you so come on over to my blog and check it out! hope you're having a marvelous day!
I totally feel you on this one, sister. I do try really hard, but my van probably rivals yours. Seriously. I have no words. It's just too much work to clean it up just to have it messed up again.
Honestly, why clean when you can pay someone else to do it. Actually, I'm someone's personal assistant and I get paid to do the things he'd rather not. It's fine as long as I'm getting paid otherwise i wouldn't do them either.
I'm going with creative. And it's all about priorities too...better to let your kids play in too tall grass than toss them in front of the TV while you mow it!
I hear you! We're not good at taking care of things either. I hate it. I'm getting better, but it's hard. Read the first few comments and they're all great!
Um, I would say creative and SMART!! No doubt about it!
Your house as you described it is exactly the way my house looks right now. In fact, I'm so bad at vacuuming the carpet that when the kids complain they're hungry I just tell them, "Go look through the living room carpet...I'm sure you'll find a couple goldfish".
Creative! Upon someone's death bed, I believe you will NEVER hear them say, "I just wish I had cleaned more" but I believe they would say - "I wish I had spent more time enjoying my kids, spending time with family, paying attention to the things that really matter like the ones I love!" etc. But this is just my own personal opinion. I have been to a funeral before where it was said about the deceased, "She kept a clean house" - I thought that's kind-of sad - there wasn't anything else more important that you could say about this person?!?
On my google page I thought it was funny and really fitting - this was one of the quotes of the day - which is quite true!!!
"You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty."
- Cecil Baxter
Here from MamaKat.
Your solution is BRILLIANT and completely warranted from under that pile of children you have!
Darlin' blog. Just bookmarked you!
(I had to leave my comment under an old blog site since your Blogger account isn't set up to receive comments from self-hosted blogs (Name/URL). Hope you'll click through to my main site. www.shejusthadtosayit.com)
I am so on the hiring bandwagon. I am much better supervisor than a doer. And we do have a housekeeper. And honestly, if she didn't come every week...I don't know what would motivate us to deal with all our clutter.
I've heard it said many, many times that our children will never remember how clean or dirty our houses were, but they will remember the time they spent with us. Whenever I am tempted to clean, I think about that line and I sit back down.
If we could afford it, we would hire someone to do all of the things we hate to do. In a heartbeat.
Thanks for stopping by my blog and thanks for the welcome! I love this post...we are all suffering secretly. and those women that just have it all together- they don't sleep or have loving relations with their hubby. There's a choice to made here people! ;o)
Oh, I'm awful at taking care of stuff. I know it. But I figure it's more important that my kids are alive than a clean carpet.
I so wish I could afford to hire someone to clean. I totally would. In a heartbeat.
I so love you for writing this post. I am not good at taking care of stuff either.
I do what I need to do to keep us at 'zero' (think of a number line). According to my definition, zero means dishes, cooking, laundry and to a certain extent bathrooms. Who has time to clean the oven/stove, clean windows or baseboards or clean out the car?
I recently cleaned out the car and it took me two hours and I ended up with three bags of trash and three bags of stuff we needed to keep. I haven't had time to go through the bags of stuff that we need to keep and guess what? The car is dirty again.
I won't go on and on (ooops, I already did).
Thanks again!!!!
no, no, no, no...your house is LIVED IN, not uncared for. There is a difference.
Your things don't look perfect because YOU LIVE LIFE.
There are so many more important things than having the perfect cut lawn on the street and I am fairly certain that you, jen, are doing them :)
Ok it's a mama thing...I have goldfish and Cheerios ALL over my minivan..yick! BTW the spa? What's the spa? LOL
Thanks for the warm welcome from SITS!!
OK, so I so get your dilemmna...but I go with you are a creative soul and would rather spend your time being creative and being with your kids. I'm the same way. I like BoufMom9's idea too...the house is lived in.
You could always try www.flylady.com
She teaches organization and cleanliness..but it can get a bit out of hand.
My dishes are stacked (the dishwasher is broken) the laundry is now put away, my kids toys are everywhere and the place needs to be vacuumed. BUT, I helped my daughter put a puzzle together last night and I'm a single mom...so cleaning often gets the back seat.
Totally agree. I think you have your priorities right--raising good kids and having a great family life, then everything else comes after that.
I think you have your priorities straight. When your kids are old enough, teach them how to pitch in! Wow - if I didn't have a kid to run to the fridge and bring me a pop while I'm folding laundry, I'd just about die! They now mow the yard, do dishes, fold clothes, sort them, sweep, get the mail, run errands for me. It's very cool when they can drive... a little nerve racking, but nice.
Our house is definitely lived in, but it was show place when we moved in. Every day I think the previous owners will stop by and pass out from shock at the state of things... dents in walls, weeds where there shouldn't be.
We worked like crazy all spring to get ready for my son's graduation. painting, scrubbing, refinishing, shampooing... If we didn't have something to shoot for, those tasks would for sure be on the to do list for years!
Don't beat yourself up. You are the parents of 4 young children, 3 of whom are toddlers. They all want/need your attention, far more than the house or yard or car does. There will be plenty of time later for a clean, neat house. When the time comes when you are sitting in your beautiful home with just your husband (after the kids are grown and move out) you will miss these days.
You work and you've got four young children, three of which are toddlers and ALL the same age. I worked as a nanny and the mom and I used to joke about our dirty cars. Even when I was the one carting them around half the time and she did have the money and time to keep up with it, cars with children, at least happy ones, have stuff all over.
I'm not a good one to ask. I'm the same way. The difficulty is wanting a tidier life, but, hey. You seem like you have a super happy family and in the long run, that's what counts.
I'm really feelin' you.. Do you remember your life before you had kids? When you can look up at any given moment and your living room, kitchen, and laundry are clean and put away?
I can still remember those times (even after 11 years!) and I keep those memories near to remind me.. I am not Lazy but have had to be creative with my time and my talents.
I'm never on the border of superMOM so I have to settle for creativity. Some times it is better to let the van look like the "goldfish" factory 'til we get to it after playing, feeding, cleaning, talking, admirering, loving, serving, feeding, referreeing, supporting, playing, feeding... our little ones. Whether it's 1 child or 6 ~ the way they feel when they are with us is what they take with them.
Now, I'm not saying to let everything completely fall apart but come on, give ourselves a break and know when we get to it after a few embarrassing moments, we'll get to it and count our blessings!!!
Sorry, kinda went on and on there... ;p
I wish I could pay people to all that crappy stuff too! I'm not a very good housecleaner and our SUV us a mess....so you are in good company!! But you have 4 happy, healthy kids and a loving husband and that is what matters most:)
Not only are you creative, but you're helping to get the economy rolling again.
You're a Patriot!! And a smart one to boot.
I hear you Jen. I don't really think it's laziness. Just different priorities. You are one busy wife.mom.nurse!
Oh man... you are NOT the only one! Some weeks I think I could take the dog hair off my floor and create a new dog with it.
One thing that has helped is when we found out we were having twins we figured something had to give. And we hired lawn guys. They come every other week to mow and clean out our flower beds. And we are SO GLAD that we made that choice! Although sometimes I wish we had hired a housekeeper instead, but oh well! In our minds it's $120/month of sanity.
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