Mommy guilt is something that most mothers deal with. I say most mothers because I try not the let it get to me. I feel that I can keep all that guilt bottle up and pushed down. I don't let it come out. Let me share some examples from a typical day at my house.
Quinn did not eat any breakfast because he did not like what I made for him.
Did I feel guilty?
No. I am not a short order cook. You eat what I make or you will wait until the next meal.
Jake climbed up onto the cupboard and was playing with all the baking ingredients and then almost fell but didn't because I came into the room just at the right moment.
Did I feel guilty?
Not really. I wasn't watching him as closely as I should because I was on the computer but he should not be climbing on chair and standing on the cupboard.
Claire had a major tantrum during lunch that ended up in her room and I slammed the door three times because it wouldn't close and screamed at her at the top of my lungs making things worse and scaring her.
Did I feel guilty?
A little bit because I shouldn't scare my child and a picture fell off the wall and broke.
Claire had another even bigger, even loader tantrum when I did not pick the right shoes for her. She wanted to wear a pair that was way too small. I was so frustrated with her tantrum and lack of reason that I slapped her.
Did I feel guilty?
Well, sorta. I hate it when I loose my temper. I should be able to control myself and my reactions. I am the adult after all.
During the chaos of the day and all the tantrums, Hayden very quickly got his shoes on and ran into the car after I asked and then said, "Did I do a good job, Mom? Are you not mad at me? I listened and obeyed very fast."
Did I feel guilty?
You bet your ass. I felt so guilt that I almost cried. For the most of the day, he had taken the brunt of my frustration with his siblings. It was not fair. All I could do was hug him and say, "Yes Hayden, you did a great job. Thank you for making me so happy."
I guess mommy guilt effects us all. Some days are just filled with more guilt than others. And that is why I keep a well stocked wine rack and hug and kiss the kids more the next day.
Deux par Deux Has The Cutest Kid Clothes
4 days ago
46 comments:
There is not one mother among us that hasn't done something at one time or another to induce some guilt. We're humans and we make mistakes. Sometimes we even feel guilty when we have no reason to. We all want to be the best mothers we can possibly be and nobody is perfect.
Thank goodness that children are so quick to forgive!!!
I have said sorry to my kids many times after I have crossed the line. I am so pleased that they continue to love me anyway.
*hugs* for you today xx
I always have guilt. I call it "SAHM's guilt". If I buy something for myself I feel guilty. If I go out for some quiet time, I feel guilty about not being home. I do something wrong and the MIL or my mom criticizes me, I am consumed with guilt. It's a never ending battle with me. I am also the eldest child and I have read that guilt is something we deal with the most as a first born. Hope you get a chance to pop over to my blogs to check out my prompts. Have a wonderful day and take care.
-Kiki
I am so pregnant and now you are making me cry.
In a good way though! ☺
I so understand all about this post.
Awwwww...Hayden's a sweet guy! But take it from a gal who's kiddos are a tad older. The Mommy Guilt Thing never goes away. And BTW...did you know you're right next to me in SITS this a.m.?
Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone in my mummy guilt and frustration over my 2 year old's tantrums!
I feel the guilt every day and am so thankful that my darling daughter so readily forgives my imperfections.
I try to use my guilt as a prompt to change my future actions; I'm a work in progress...
I am the worst ever with mommy guilt. I feel guilty over every little thing! I feel bad if I say 'no' about anything, so usually I don't, and that is just not good at all! What a cute little guy you have, that would have made me all teary eyed, too!
My kids were so good for about 90% of the day yesterday but the evening was a disaster and I screamed at my middle child. I always feel like a jerk after I lose my temper but all I can try to do is work on it and remember we all are doing the best we can!
Mommy guilt gets us all every now and then. And I've totally lost my temper before and scared my child. I hate it when I do that!!
Um...hi...
you made me almost cry.
No, really.
How did I not see your new headline fonts before? Totally loving them ... gotta figure out how to do that myself! : )
Anyway, you just captured all the moments that make being a mother so hard. Well done. And God Bless You.
Being a mom is the hardest job on earth and yet, we are harder on ourselves then anyone else. Give yourself a break! You have a handful!
I am so relieved to know I am not the only mother who occasionally screams at her kid(s) and totally loses her temper; thank you all so much for sharing. I love this blog! This morning I was guilted into climbing into my 5 year old daughters bed to snuggle when I really just wanted to go get a cup of coffee. I felt so selfish and guilty for wanting caffine over my kids affections. It never ends...
Oh girl, yes, I know, but I bet there isn't a single mom to be found that does not feel guilty at some time or another. And I so often feel so guilty about my oldest too - when she says - "Mommy you are so angry today" and I know most of the anger was directed at her younger siblings.
I did not do this post because my daily life involves some sort of mommy guilt. It will never end.
I love reading your posts.. You're my new kate gosselin before she went all hollywood (I don't know how u r with the hubby so I'll leave that part out). And this is a compliment.. I promise
I love your honesty! Thank you for that..it's refreshing. I have been right where you are with my kids many times.
Even though you're a Mom, you're still human. We've all had those days where are patience is thin and emotions are high.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Oh my goodness, honey, I know how you feel. Except, I feel guilty when Moose gets hurts - oh I hate that. Even when it's his own fault...I always talk real big like "if you fall it's your own fault" or "if your fingers get hit by the fan blades, it's your own fault." But I'd probably cry if he got hurt. :)
You're a good mommy...I lose my temper with one, I can't imagine 4. :)
You are a very good mommy, and guilt can be a good thing sometimes...it teaches us about life and all of its' struggles. And God bless Hayden's little heart! The kids can teach us a lot too!
I am right there with you! Done all of that and then had my child say almost the exact same words. Thank goodness for God's unconditional grace. Without it I'd be doomed.
I always tell new moms....Welcome to Motherhood, the land of the guilty. It is what it is, we just have to keep on keepin' on.
And for what it's worth, even though you lose your mind sometimes (who doesn't?) YOU are still one of the best moms I know of! =)
Guilt is just part of the job. Yes yes it is.
Sounds like a rough day, and I think that you handled it quite well- despite what you may think. Guilt plagues me every day... I think it just goes with the territory.
Love your post! No guilt here and I've done all the things you did on your bad day and everyone is "slmost" raised and not in prision! ;)
Thanks for the visit!
I know I have been there too, and it is often the eldest who gets the brunt of things, even when they are not involved.
Thanks for keeping it real, and saying how it really is.
I believe Mum guilt is delivered with the placenta!LOL!
I knew it would go there! I can't imagine how some mothers couldn't feel mommy guilt - not because they do bad things, just because it's probably so easy to convince yourself you haven't done something right as a parent! :)
You seem to have happy children though - no worries! Haha.
Okay..even I got teary eyed for that one. I hate it when I take my frustration out on my kids. They are so sweet and vulnerable. I know exactly how you felt here! Thanks for commenting on my blog. I'm glad you did because I was able to check yours out too!
www.sugarandspiceandallhairnice.blogspot.com
Oh man, Hayden's comment would be the one to make me feel guilty for sure. The other stuff? Not on your life. No tantrums, no picky eaters, no climbing on the counters. Mama has reasons for the rules. Sometimes she shares those reasons, sometimes she doesn't... bottom line? Breaking the rules = punishment or a mad mama. No guilt.
That mommy guilt is tough stuff.
I think we all just do the best we can, but I still feel guilty.
The quickest way for my oldest to trigger my Mommy Guilt is to ask, "Are you happy with me, Mommy?" Uggh. Makes my stomach turn whenever she says this.
Graham used to tell me that I scared him when I got mad... and it made me want to cry... we're both better now... I don't get as mad and he doesn't scare as easily..
ugh i have those days and i go to bed feeling so guilty!! but isn't it amazing how easily kids love and forgive us?
I'm sure as a MoM you have this too...
I always feel guilty that I'm not giving my kids equal attention. It's such a major balancing act!
Not a mother but I do feel guilty when the dog is buggin me for attention and I just send him outside.
Hell yeah I feel guilty everyday! But one person can only handle so much sometimes. I'm so glad you posted this. I too have slammed the door when putting my son in his room. Then I get mad because I should know that it isn't going to change anything. Then the other day, he had been whining in my ear for an hour! I was trying to help him color and got so fed up with him not being happy about it. He put his arm in front of me because he kept grabbing at the stickers I kept saying NOT to play with. I slapped his little hand and it turned red. I then walked into my bedroom and slapped my own hand. Ugh...it was a really bad day. But I am thankful that I can relate with someone to these kinds of episodes!
I hate days like this!
I am happy, however, that you showed your human side. There are a lot of blogs out there that just show the absolutely sunny side of everything which on days like the one you just had make me feel like Atilla the Hun!!!
I am genetically predisposed to feel guilt ten times more than the normal person. Add being a mother, and yeah, I'm pretty much a walking ball of guilt. It's probably not healthy:)
I love the "I'm not a short order cook" I feel the same way and a friend of mine tries to make me feel guilty because of it.
Mommy guilt is the worst!
Girl, whether it's 3 or 1.. I tell you the Mommy guilt meter is sometimes in the red but mostly in the whatever side... We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves but when the "melting" moment comes (esp with my 2 daughters...) we do have to have some release - for me, it's those early morning runs that keep me sane!
Great post, as always. I love your honesty - somehow, although I don't have any kids yet, you make this whole thing "real" for me. And despite the fact that I am not a mother, as a daughter, aunt, sister and woman, I can relate.
oh wow...I can imagine how your heart just dropped!
As many others have said, we ALL have those moments. Many a times I wish I could take back what I said or did. Even the lil things...because as we know, they are not always 'little things' to our kiddos.
Here's to better days!
Crazy as it sounds, I am always so happy to read posts like this and know that I am not alone. Some days are just plain hell. The kid(s) are being a nightmare and you just have gut reactions. Of course there is guilt, we would be psychopaths if there weren't, but we're only human.
The guilt just comes with the territory - and like you - I can sometimes push it aside and other times - notsomuch.
I giggled at the short-order cook comment b/c I've actually made my kids recite, "Mommy is not a short order cook." :)
oh guilt - I am guilt ridden right now - sitting here blogging when I should be playing with my kids
My oldest did this to herself at age 2 with a Sharpie the night before Easter. She looked like a zebra dress in pink ruffles the next morning for church.
It was one of my crowning moments of motherhood.
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