Let's Look Back: Haydenisms

These are a couple of my favorite Haydenisms over the past year. There is never a dull moment with this kid.

Rude Awakening.
(Originally posted July 2008)

I would like to share the lovely story about how I woke up yesterday morning. It was some ungodly hour in the morning like before 6AM. Hayden is not suppose to get out of his room until 7AM, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. He has been known to sneak downstairs at this very early hour.

First, I have to tell you that I sleep in an over sized tee-shirt and my under wear. Nothing fancy or sexy here, just comfort. On this morning, I guess I was hot because all the covers were off me and my shirt was up around my waist. I was kinda mooning the room, it was a covered moon though.

Second, I must tell you that we have a very tall bed. It is so tall that when I was pregnant, I need a step stool to get into it. When Hayden gets into our bed, he has to climb up at the bottom using the foot board.

So I am sound a sleep and don't notice that Hayden has come into our bedroom. I am laying on my side turned into to bed, with my bum facing out. Hayden comes over to my side of the bed and begins to pull himself up onto the bed, only he is slipping.

He need to grab onto something to keep him from falling. He has many choices; the sheets, my shirt, the bed itself, but no. He chooses is my underwear.
He grabs onto the waste band and pulls. This in turn, pull my underwear up, way up, into a monster wedgie.

You know that kinda wedgie that bullies in high school give kids where the underwear is almost able to cover your head. The kind where you can hear the fabric ripping.

Needless to say, I was awake in seconds responding to the pain and trying to keep Hayden from falling down and knocking over the bedside table and lamp. It was a very rude awakening indeed. And needless to say, I could not sit down for a little while after this encounter. What a lovely way to wake up.

Bedtime Routine.
(Originally posted April 2008)

As of late Hayden's stall tactic at bedtime has been that he has to go poopy. (What does one say to this; no you can't go or you must poop in your pants?) After he has been in bed maybe a minute or two, he will open his door and announce that he has to go poopy and proceed to the toilet (and no, if you ask him before he gets into bed he doesn't have to go but some how the magic of laying in bed for a short amount of time gives him the urge to poop).

So after his poop announcement, I usually go upstairs to help him to which I am greeted by this, "Mom can you leave, close the door and give me some privacy." Again what do you say, I usually leave, close the door and go lay down in his bed and wait for him to finish.

Yesterday, I was doing just that and I was so tried that I was kinda dozing off. I didn't really hear the toilet flush. Hayden comes running into the room. I opened my eyes and what to I see but a small white butt in my face and I hear this question, "Mom, do I have any skid marks?"

I began to laugh uncontrollably and this caused Hayden to laugh and then fall over because he was still standing on his head with his butt in the air. I tell you, what a great bedtime routine.

Stinky Stinky
(Originally posted February 2008)

The other day, I was at the computer, steeling a minute for myself, and Jeff and Hayden were playing hide and seek. It was Daddy's turn to hide (Daddy is really good at hiding) and Hayden comes into the computer room and asks me if I know where his Dad is? I told him that I don't have any idea.

Hayden walks around the house one more time with no luck of finding Daddy, so he begins to play next to me. Then from out of no where Jeff runs screaming into the room. Hayden lets out this blood chilling scream and begins to laugh as Daddy begins to tickle him.

Then we both smell something stinky. Jeff looks at Hayden and asks, "Did Daddy scare the poop out of you?"
Hayden replies, "No just farts."