Disclaimer: This is one of my therapy sessions and it may be a bit of a downer so if you don't want your happy joy joy mood ruined then don't read it. Read one of the later post. If you didn't, know upon occasion I hold a therapy session here for myself. Because what else is writing for? Besides there is no way I can afford all the therapy that really motherhood needs.
I totally feel like a failure and I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. I just don't know if I can do it any more. People all around me tell me all the time that they don't know how I do. Well, I don't know how I do it or if I can do this job anymore. Seriously, I feel like I am going to loose it.
Lately, the only time that I enjoy my children is when I am at work. That doesn't seem right. I was not made to be a stay at home mom. I just don't know what to do with them all day. I would much rather put them in day care, work 5 days week, pick them up at the end of the day, play a little bit and put them to bed. I am sorry if this offends any of your working mothers but I am envious.
The days at home seem so long. I don't know what I am suppose to be doing with these kids so they just end up watch TV and movies all day. But if I try and turn the TV off, they look to me for something to do and I have nothing. Nothing.
I know this is not good for them and this is why I feel like such a failure Even as I write this, the words sting and make my heart ache. Maybe that is why tears are running down my cheek.
I wanted these children so badly and went through an emotional hell to get them. But now I feel that I should not have them because I am not providing them good solid actives, things to stimulate them or encourage their development. I am failing. Maybe they shouldn't be with me at all?
Hayden watches TV all day and plays computer games. The babies are into everything. They destroy the kitchen cupboards, walk aimlessly around the home and cry. Oh the crying. I know they are board but I don't know how I am suppose to fix this.
Everyone else I meet seems like such a better mother than me. Their kids are happy and playing together, mine only seem to fight. Am I the only one that struggles with this?
I feel so alone.
I love them so much and they are such a blessing that some times I wonder if they would not be better off with someone else. Why were they given to me when I have no idea what I am doing?
I know that tomorrow will be a better day but this is just how I am feeling. I could sure use some love from a few bloggy friends and maybe a bottle or 2 of wine. No wait it was a really bad day, make it 3 bottles.
Deux par Deux Has The Cutest Kid Clothes
4 days ago
45 comments:
Jen,
I'm not a mama yet, as you know. However, I strongly feel that sometimes Mama needs a break! Perhaps you and the hubs could sneak away for a weekend, just to recharge your batteries? And barring that, perhaps let hubs handle the crew for an evening and YOU go enjoy yourself, shopping, relaxing, doing something you want to do for you.
And there is nothing wrong with not being built to be SAHM. I mean, I want to be one, but honestly, I don't know if I'll be that great of one. It is ALOT of work, as you know.
Do you have a local library? I bet they have craft books, some small things that you could do with the kids everday. And you could have your older one check out some books to read. Coloring books are fun too! And you could always have them help you make lunch and such, although that might seem like more trouble than it's worth. Those are just some ideas my nanny would have my sister and I do.
I hope that you feel better tomorrow! Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect mommy!
If it makes you feel better, know that I feel the same way as you some days ... and I only have one kid! Today we played Wall-E on the Playstation instead of taking a nap because I wanted him to go to bed early so I could watch TV with my husband. Doesn't sound like good mothering to me. This time of year is the WORST to be a stay-at-home mom...you can't go to the park, the neighbors all stay inside, it gets dark. It is really really hard to think of great activities day after day after day. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a great mom... that fact that you care so much is proof of that.
Some things I do when I'm desperate:
-- Throw them in the tub and let them splash and play
-- allow them dump anything they want in a bowl in the kitchen and see how disgusting it gets
-- act out a movie you watched with everyone playing the parts.
I hope this helps! I hear you and I hope things look better tomorrow. Try to get a good nights sleep!
I just sent you an email, but I also wanted to say in a comment that I'm glad you posted this. I think it helps you to get it off your chest and it helps all of us out here who feel the same way to know that we're not alone. Keep your chin up!
oh, hun. don't feel alone. i feel like this SO many days and i only have two. please email me if you want to chat or bitch or anything. you are SO NOT ALONE IN THIS.
4 bottles... one for each kid.
I know just how you feel! When I only had one, I was just sitting at home all day with him and wondering what the heck to do with him. I`m NOT meant to be a SAHM . . . it was boring! The whole feed, change, sleep, feed, change business doesn`t really make a woman feel validated . . . or at least not for me. I ended up working at home by the time the second came along and that really helps, but my kids still watch too much tv. :P
Your children are lucky to have you, even if you don`t feel like a good mom. When they grow up they aren`t going to be saying, "Man, Mom never did anything with us!" They`re going to be going, "I remember she was home all the time, and remember when we all ganged up on her and threw the eggs on the floor? Good times." (trust me, I know because my mom didn`t do that many planned activities with us and guess what? It didn`t matter!)
Did you know it`s actually good for your kids if you don`t plan everything out and set them up with activities 24/7? They need to learn to entertain themselves and letting them do what they want for a while is a great way to teach them that.
Oh, and btw? I think you need a break too. Can you possibly leave the kids with their dad this weekend for a few hours and just get out and get some coffee or sit down somewhere to breathe? Because that will do WONDERS for your mental health.
expatmom.info
You have your hands full. And you're stuck in a rut. Some days I feel exactly the same way and I don't have 3 babies. I only have a 2 1/2 year old and a 17 month old. But I SO get the mass destruction. Some days I'm cleaning one mess to see another being made behind me. But you know what? They grow up fast so don't freak out so much over the mess. My last two babies are my 5th and 6th children so I know what I speak of! Your kids won't remember the mess. Their going to remember the fun. So now you need to figure out how to have fun.
I agree with everyone else. You need a break. My mother comes and watches my kids one morning a week so I can go off for some "me" time. Some weeks I'm really needing the "me" time!
Hope you feel better tomorrow. Don't drink too much wine though, or you'll be dealing with 4 kids and a killer headache!
Oh, you *so* not alone. Look at all of the support here from other lovely ladies and you've just posted minutes ago. There's lots of bloggy love around here for moms, especially ones that have FOUR WEE BOYS!
Seriously, I'm surprised you do not post like this more often. I would!! Do not feel guilty about these feelings! You are a super mom to manage what you do. And, a bottle or two now and then is a good thing. Absolutely.
I agree with the others - you need to get some time to yourself. Make it happen. You need to get away to decompress, even if for a few hours to wander the mall or get a latte or whatever. You just need some time with no one nagging you, no dirty diapers, no worries about entertaining, no one breaking or destroying things...I know how all this feels. And, diet coke doesn't always cut it!
I hope you feel 150% better tomorrow. And, I know you'll have lots of other sympathetic moms rooting for you. You've definitely got my support!!
I don't think I've commented on here before but I found you through another blog... You are NORMAL! know that I think what you are going through is normal.. ( it also helps I really am a therapist ;-0)
I too recently closed my practice and decided to stay home with my 2 year old... We watch a lot of tv... but he goes to MDO 2 days a week and it helps alot.. I guess I'm not very creative, but I 'm trying.. sometimes we color.. sometimes we "paint" with water.. he has his favorite shows and we watch those... sometimes we snuggle... sometimes I open the closet in his room and he drags out ALL his toys... I'm 32 weeks pregnant so I have to "hang out" alot while he does whatever... just know that kids don't remember every moment of every day.. we do and that sometimes is our downfall.. I think it's better to have 1 good moment they may remember than a whole day full everyday... but that's just one little opinion.. take it with a grain of salt ( and maybe tequila?)
Being a caregiver is hard physically and emotionally--sometimes I don't even know what day it is--and I only have 3 kids. I definitely have days like these, sometimes I actually have periods of time beyond days, bit it does get better! No one ever died from too much tv, give yourself a break and have that wine.
I used to do a yoga DVD with my kids on really bad days and it helped me destress and feel better. Take it easy and be gentle with yourself. See if you can swing that break away from the kids even if it's only for a short while.
I have 4 kids who are mostly grown now- 15 to 25 and somehow they survived.
Now, they might play support group, but they are alive and *relatively* well.
I don't think there's a parent alive who hasn't counted down the seconds until bedtime. LITERALLY.
TV is your friend when you just don't have it to give. Whatever the experts say 10 years later they will come along and say oops we screwed up.
These were my BEST things to get the kids using their imaginations (and when I needed, out of my hair, although I frequently joined them as well).
Make giant tents covering the whole room (try to remind them NOT to turn on the ceiling fans) using every sheet and blanket you can find- they STILL talk about these and make them for Ian.
Appliance boxes- you can call around and anyone who delivers can/will save them for you. OMG cut out windows and they are everything from houses to stores to rocketships- no limit. Let the kids have at it with crayons or markers or stickers or whatever.
If it is warm enough, bubbles and sidewalk chalk. If it isn't crayons and whatever art supplies you let them play with.
A few bowls filled with ice and spoons so they can *cook*.
And so you do not feel alone- when I was homeschooling one entire days worth of lessons each girl was given a sucker bouquet and they were told to figure out just how many licks it takes to get to the center of that tootsie pop- they never did but it is one of their fondest memories. And somehow they still manage to all test gifted and well beyond grad school level. ;)
I also agree if there is any way to get some you time, grab it with both hands. When people ask what they can do to help, don't be afraid to tell them.
*hugs* When all else fails, put them to bed and have that drink and a nice warm bath or whatever else relaxes you.
oh jen! bless your heart!! you are a good momma! you are NOT alone!! some days, i feel so guilty because i've done nothing with my children but sit on the couch and watch tv or play webkinz. i feel like some days all i do is yell at them and hand out discipline left and right. motherhood is a journey that doesn't come with directions or set rules. when i was pregnant with my princess, my mom told me that lots of people would have all kinds of advice and suggestions about what to do and that i would have moments where i would doubt myself and not know what to do. she told me that at those times to remember that I AM THE MOMMA and i do know best - to trust my instincts. i pass that advice on to you now. you DO know what's best for you and your children! trust yourself. love them like you have been. you are doing a good job! and you are right - tomorrow will be better :)
Jen
I can understand what you mean. Though I only have 2 children, they sure do test me.
I too often lack motivation to play with my kids. It's so much easier to turn the tele on. It really is!
And the fighting! GAH the fighting :(
I have no advice really except that I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone.
NOt only that, you are an AWESOME mum. There are 1000's of children out there who dont have a mum who cares as much as you do.
I dont know you that well, but from what I can tell, you ADORE your children. ANd that counts for everything...
((hugs)) ((hugs)) ((hugs))
Beck xx
I feel your pain, as you know I've only got one and there are days where I feel as if I could rip out my own hair! I wish I had words of wisdom, however I caved, chickened out, or took the "easy way out" and got a part time job. I need people in my life that are able to carry on a conversation that has nothing to do with toys, poop or SpiderMan!! Maybe a part time job wouldn't be a bad idea for you either???? Just a suggestion!!
I have been where you are MANY TIMES MY SWEET JEN! Oh, I turn to God, my Father during the down times. The times that are roughest for me are the 2 weeks a month my hubby is gone and I am stuck in the country in the middle of nowhere with 6 kids. BUT, God has gotten me through it. Right now I must keep telling myself, MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN..I am sacrificing for these sweet children God has gifted me with. YES, I HAVE TO REPEAT THIS SEVERAL TIMES TO AVOID COMPLETE INSANITY daily!! God is with you, I will pray for you and you are NOT ALONE!
Hugs Jen! I'm sorry you're feeling so down--please don't feel guilty about not entertaining the kids all day long--no one can do that! Plus, they have each other to play with which is great.
The best tip I can give you is to make sure you have your "Me Time." Maybe take a class once a week, go out for a girl's night--whatever you need. Sometimes some nice time for yourelf makes dealing w/ the kid easier!
Enjoy your wine! Tomorrow will be better!
Oh, Jen, I'm so sorry. I hear where you're coming from. It has to be so hard with four little ones at home.
I've learned a lot from watching Supernanny. Look at her books or watch her show. Make up a routine for the kids and follow it. Have a certain amount of outside time (Weather permitting). Active activity is so important for little ones, to keep them happy.
I wish I could help you out. I really do. I wouldn't have been able to handle triplets. My boys are five years apart and that was hard enough.
Hang in there. It's so hard to admit to feeling like a failure. And you're not. You're just human and going through a rough spot.
Oh, Jen, I just want to give you a big hug. Because you are so not alone. And I think that sometimes moms get so wrapped up in what they think that they should be doing - it gets overwhelming.
You don't have to constantly entertain your kids to be a good mom. And what makes you a good mom is to be happy with what you are doing. If you think you would be happier going back to work. Then do it. You are happy = happy kids.
What about tipping your toes in the water? Put them in a pre-school program a few days a week. Just to have breathing time. Or to do some part time work. Or something. Anything that will make you truly realize that you are a good mom. Doing the best that you can.
xxoo
Jen, you are so not alone.
When I had my oldest, I said I wanted to stay home with her. However, financially we weren't able to do that until my oldest was 6... and by then I'd also had a second child.
Now... there are days when I think I want to go back to work. I've had days where it seems like all I've done is yell at my kids, I haven't accomplished anything, the to-do list keeps getting longer...
But the good days outnumber the bad ones...
I agree with what has been said. You've got to do whatever it is that makes YOU happy. 'Cause if you aren't, there's no way the kids will be.
Keep your chin up, girlie...
Every mother has been where you are...you just get it 4 times over!! You are the mother they are supposed to have. You are just hitting a rough patch. The kids are probably on the cusp of something big. When they reach it, they will be much more enjoyable children. Trust in that and yourself.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time! I am sure you are a wonderful mommy and your babies love you to death! We have many days like that around our house... and I only have one 19 month old! He does get bored and sometimes I just can't wait for his daddy to get home to entertain him.... okay, that's every day... we are waiting for Daddy to get home.
Keep trudging... you will look back on these days as a special time in your life.
You have your hands full, you're supposed to 'lose it' every so often! Entertaining kids all day is exhausting and is NOT always a barrel of laughs, I bet there's not a mom out there who hasn't been down your road. We're so good at making ourselves feel plagued with guilt when we aren't being supermom. have a few glasses on me . .
You are so not alone, Jen. I only have ONE kid and I feel like what you've described sometimes. If you have a corner in the house that you could put a little card table for them to paint or play with play-doh or color, or glue stuff, it helps give them something to do .. and it keeps it in a confined area. Pookie loved to finger paint when she was the age of your little ones .. she especially loved to see her pictures on the fridge. We covered the card table with a cheap vinyl tablecloth from the dollar store .. that kept the mess from ruining anything .. and Pooks could be as messy as she pleased. She also liked papier mache using balloons for the base ... and just balloons in general. She'd play with a balloon forever lol
Sorry for such a rough time of it. You're not a terrible mother, you're tired. Hang in there, your kids aren't miserable, I promise.
Are you sure you weren't writing this post after watching a secret video of our daytime non-activities?! It's been raining for 3 days and last week was bitter cold. My kiddos need to get out and run off energy and we're stuck indoors! Please know I feel your pain! I know mine are older and I only have 3, but I know THAT feeling. I'm so glad you have this outlet too! Please post tomorrow so we all know how you're doing.
Okay. Breathe. Breathe again. In. out.
Now, quit calling yourself a failure and undeserving. THis job is tough! And many days none of us like our co-workers even if they are 3 feet tall.
Now, real advice: have a schedule. It's okay to not schedule every single minute. But, do have a schedule and let Hayden help make it. Mine was like: breakfast, kids make their beds (hayden only for that), babies stack blocks, dance with music, have a snack, read books to kids - each kid picks one book, clean up toys, watch Dora, eat lunch, nap or quiet time, etc.
If you have to, go join a mom's group. There is probably one near you and you will really get a lot out of meeting people with faces, not just avatars! LOL
My suggestion: make a schedule and just TRY it for 3 or 4 days. See if the kids are more comfortable. See if they seem to wander less and are engaged more. Also, don't be afraid to give them "chores" - nothing complicated. Like, get a box of plastic silverware and dump it on the floor and tell them to sort it. Or, get a bucket of water and tell them to "wash" the bathtub with their bathing suits on. Whatever.
And, did I mention to breathe?
Remember, and I promise this is true: there are mommies out there who think YOU are doing better than they are. If you think it's not true, then how could the opposite be true? That other mommies are doing better than you? YES they are probably better than you at something. And YOU are probably better than them at other things. You are not perfect, so stop trying to be and allow yourself to mess up. Forgive yourself. A person is not the culmination of her mistakes. She is the character, the integrity that copes with those mistakes.
Trust me, you're good.
being a mom is the hardest job in the world, it is endless and thankless. i often feel like there are so many moms out there who are doing a much better job then i do and i frequently feel overwhelmed with everything. especially with 3, doing anything (even something small) is just so much work that there are days when i just don't have it in me. i wish i had advice for you, but honestly, i don't. just sending you lots of hugs tonight...i hope tomorrow is a brighter day!
oh girlie - I feel for you now - we have all been there - and if anyone denies it - they are lying through their teeth! I feel like the crazy mom too - my kids NEVER listen to me - the marshmallow mom - that is what i call myself!!
Holy Shit! Hallelujah! Where's the Tylenol! I am so on board with Texas Mama!
First, I swear I sent you an email telling you that you rock! If I didn't, maybe I was drunk and in my drunk mind I did.
Second, up until about 2 1/2, maybe 3 months ago, I fricking was at rock bottom. I don't know how I have any eyelashes left because I was really trying to pull them out 1 at a time. It was much funner than playing Mom. And then when my son would smile, I wanted to stab myself in the heart. Then, of course I started to hate myself. Blah blah blah. But I did was TX Mama said, I made a schedule. The whole dancing with music. Even if it was for 3 minutes, it was something different.
Third, pick and choose your battles and what you want to let yourself get worked up over. I fought everyday, a dozen times a day with my son about the plastic containers he would pull out and spread all over the kitchen. I was sick of always picking them up. Finally, I just said "Go for it! Have fun!" Then, at the end of the day, when he was done, I would clean them up. And yes, if you take home leftovers from my house, chances are my son's foot has been in the container.
Lastly, don't forget it will pass. All things do. I knew before I ever had kids that I wasn't meant to be a stay at home mom. I'm a part time SAHM, and even sometimes that is too much. If you want to put your kids in daycare part time, go for it! We can all use a break now and then!
P.S. I can't believe I just gave advice. I'm "So Not" an expert! I just like to play one! Hey, these posts sometimes will get you the therapy and advice you need! So let us know when you need a pick me up!
Oh my poor dear Mrs Jen! I wish I could jump through the computer and give you a hug. Remember, you are dealing with more children closer in age than most of us. And unlike us Aussies, you are pretty much stuck inside all day because of the Michigan Winter.
You recently said you gave the babies a little play outside, but it was short and they all wanted to come back inside.
Trap anyone inside with four little ones and they'll go mad. You are doing so very very well and I think you're just awesome.
Oh girl, you obviously aren't alone! Check out all the mommies on here ... we have all been where you are at! It can be so tough at times. There are days with my (almost) 5 year old and 2 year old boys that I just go insane! Messes and whining and screaming and fighting! Oy! When my hubby gets home sometimes, I will run upstairs and hide out for a while so I can clear my head. Sometimes I just need a good cry, or a quiet drive to Starbucks. I don't have a job outside the home, but I usually have busy weeks planned to get me and the boys out of the house, so we don't feel couped up. I'll take them to the mall to play on the indoor play structure, or have playdates with friends. I joined the local MOMS Club that plans activities and events (go online and see if your city/area has a chapter - type it just how I did). This club was a life-saver for me - it stands for Moms Offering Moms Support, and I met my best friend there. They have playdates and field trips, moms only events, and family events. I have also signed my boys up for classes at the local community center - anything to get them outta the house to burn off their energy. And don't worry about the TV issue ... our TVs are on all day long ... I look at it as education (ha, ha) ... preschool on TV. It stimulates their little brains with colors, sounds, music, and my kids actually learn from the shows they watch. Ain't no shame in my game!
I can only imagine what 4 kiddos can be like ... my 2 sometimes seem like I have 4 running around crazy, but just remember that they love you. You are their momma and despite what you think, they are lucky to have you! They would be lost without you! So keep your head up! I know it is tough, but hang in there. You have a great network of friends here on your blog and we are all here to help! Email me anytime ( aprilbaker23@yahoo.com ), or even call (I can send you my number)! Try to have a better day tomorrow!! :o)
I'm probably saying what everyone else has already said, but ...
You are not alone! I have had many days like that. Days when you go to bed feeling guilty and wake up the following day promising to make it a better one.
It's not easy and I only have two of the little ... darlings. I am now back at work (almost full time)and able to take my 4 yr old daughter to and from school and spend some time before bed with the two of them. The reason I can do it without feeling guilty is good childcare ... but it's taken 4 years of trying different things to get to being comfortable with my work/home life balance!
Hope you're feeling better today!
Laura
I'm not gonna tell you I know how you feel and it's all gonna be better, cause I don't and who knows whats gonna happen . . . what I do know is this . . . you LOVE your kids . . . and sometimes thats all they need. I have a 5 month old and I work full time from home (it's a weird situation) but I don't know what to do with him. After he gets up in the morning and I give him a bottle he sits in the exersaucer for at least an hour (sometimes more) and then if he cries I move him to the floor mat with dangling things . . . until I can take a minute away from work and hold him for a second before I feel like I have to a) switch the laundry b) check my email c) do something else . . . so you're not alone. You have all of us to send you bloggy hugs and tell you that as long as love is the main ingredient the little things don't matter sometimes. Just remember that tomorrow is another day and you can start fresh every morning. I don't have any ideas of activities you could do, but I'm sure that you will find what activities your kids like . . . maybe they just want your hugs, kisses and attention! Don't worry about it and don't beat yourself up about it . . . those kids chose you to be their Mama and that's it . . . just love them a lot!!
You are doing a great job.
All of the activity advice on here is great!
Keep your head up!!
Every word you wrote was like I was writing it! I couldnt help but cry. Just know that you are not alone. I wanted a baby so bad and got three. I went from super coorporate woman to stay at home mom. The transition is hard and some days I dont even want to get off the couch.(it does not last very long though, not by choice) Just remember there are good days and bad days. Raising triplets alone is hard and you have one more. You need to cut yourself some slack. Just do the best you can and love those babies! YOU ARE A SUPERMOM!!!!
Jen,
I think we all go through periods of feeling like we are floundering. There is so much at stake with being a parent and so the pressure is higher to do a miracle job. Plus, it's not easy pleasing kids all the time.
Trust me when I tell you that it's just this stage......my older kids got relegated to the TV as well b/c it was all I could do to keep my twins (ONLY 2, NOT 3!) alive and out of trouble. Some people really don't realize how much harder it is to raise multiples. Having only had 2, I can only IMAGINE a third the same age thrown into the mix.
Today I told my husband that sometimes I just get sick of the kids. He asked me to please never say that again in case they heard. Now, that doesn't mean I love them any less or wanted them less than other parents, but sometimes we just.need. a. break. And that's not a bad thing.
So, keep that chin up. I think you are pretty amazing. And this age the triplets are in is just plain hard.
You are so not the only one who is dealing with this. I have 3 of my own and I watch 2 others. If I do not schedule constructive things to do with them I would be letting them watch TV all day as well. I made a strict routine and force myself to stick to it. I also plan meeting with other mothers at parks and such. If I know that they are waiting for me then I make myself go. You are experienceing such normal feelings. I hope that things start to turn around for you all soon. You must get rid of that guilt. You are a great mother. I know you are or you wouldn't be writing about it. If you didn't care that would have me worried. Remember this is a stage and it will pass. HUGS from my family to yours.
Oh Jen {{{{HUGS}}}} Sometimes when I have my three year old over I think to myself, what in the heck did I do with my girls all day when they were this age???
You are at a tough stage having four little ones at home, but I promise you it gets easier and does become more fun.
I think the only thing that saved my sanity was having other groups of SAHM's to hang out with.
I hope you are feeling better today.
*super big hug*
I am so sorry that you feel this way. I have always felt that being a SAHM was the hardest job ever. Not only are you in charge of everything, there is no place to run away to when you start to feel overwhelmed.
Do you have any mommy & baby groups you could join? Or maybe a baby gym that is nearby? Or story time at a local library? Somewhere you can take them and they can run around and you can get a semi breather.
AMEN!!! Honey, I go through this all the time, and I only have one kid. I feel bad that when I'm home from work, Elizabeth is just watching movies or playing alone while I catch up on housework or just push her away because I need some space.
Also? I love her more from work, too. Cause she's not right there, in my face, whining for something! She's in a cute picture on my desk and I have quiet time to miss her.
But, I will say that we SAHM's put too much pressure on ourselves to be "professional moms" and do everything perfectly--and turn our living rooms into mini preschools--just because we "Don't work". Your kids are perfectly happy watching TV with YOU. You don't need to come up with brilliant, educational activites. You're doing a good job keeping them fed, clean, and happy. :)
I swear these blogs are like therapy. I too went through a tough time just a couple weeks ago (that seems to repeat itself every now & then.) I have 1 daughter who is 7 & I work full time. At this point I would KILL to work part-time & have more time with her. BUT... I am soooo not offended by your feelings. I stayed at home with my daughter for 6 months before I went back to work. It was WORK. I know I am not meant to be a SAHM. I enjoyed being at work & letting her socialize & be a kid. She went to childcare starting at a very young age & it worked awesome. Now she is in school & I feel as though I miss out on a lot of fun opportunities. This week she is having a holiday party & they asked what parents could volunteer in the classroom. Not me!! I miss field trips, programs, I have another parent involved in her Girl Scout activities. Ahhh, sometimes it sucks so bad!! But, put me back 6 years and I would be writing the exact same post you just wrote. Doesn't mean you are a bad mom, it just means you are human & honest. You have genuinely valid feelings & I think we ALL go through it. One day you will sit back & smile at how stressful your life once was. I think as moms we go through different phases. There are time when you will think that you would do ANYTHING for your kids, but other times when you just want to be selfish & do something for yourself. It's the joys of being a parent. Personally I think you are amazing for a) having 4 kids who will always think the world of you, b) sitting down & sharing your feelings and c) turning to wine!!! You go girl!!! Tonight when I bust out my drink I'll say a little toast for you!!
Take a deep breath, grab a BIG wine glass & have a good laugh. You'll feel better I promise!!!
P.S. I'm new to your blog, but am totally hooked now. Thanks!!!
Mine drove me nuts when I was home with them. I went back to work when #8 was 11 months old 3 years ago. Now they drive me crazy when I am at home, but I can escape to work 40+ hours a week. My oldest 6 can be helpful, but #7, 8 and especially 9 still can make the biggest messes.
If they would stop making messes for a few minutes, maybe I could catch up with work and have some fun with play. My 2 yr old just decided that he likes puzzles and can not get the pieces in the correct place. Time to dig through the puzzles in the attic to find some age appropriate ones. In that 18 gallon tote there must be one with most or all of the pieces. :)
Oh Jen, as a SAHM myself, I totally understand how you feel. At times I am overwhelmed, bored, and feel like I've lost my identity.
You are not alone - and you definitely shouldn't feel bad for voicing your feelings. Those of us with kids have all been there - and sometimes are there more often than we'd like!
I am SO sorry this is coming very late but I haven't been blog visiting much and am now playing catch up. I hope you are feeling a bit better by now. You got lots of great advice. I don't know how you do it, period. I only have one 5yo child so I shouldn't give advice. I do agree with many who said a schedule is good. TV is a nice escape but not to the point where they will be unhappy doing anything else. You'll do it. You've BEEN doing it :)
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. First, let me say I highly doubt that you are a bad mother. In fact I'd bet my husbands paycheck on it (he'd really appreciate that).
Do you have any idea how mortified I am about my "failures" as a mother? I joke but seriously, I really thought I was gonna be good at this. I'm not. I kinda suck. I honest to God feel sorry for my kids and my husband - Anonymous can still kiss my ass though - because they are really getting screwed.
Anyway, I hope this feeling passes for you soon. And it will.
Post a Comment