Ramblings of an Exhausted, Kinda Tispy, Home From Camp Blogger.

Disclaimer: I truly am exhausted and I have had a couple of cocktails. So hopefully I will not regret this post in the morning. Read it if you want or not. This was just something I had to do for me.

OK so we are home. I have yet to go through all the pictures I took and unload the van. The first thing that I wanted to do was being in air conditioning, bathe the kids and shower myself. The rest is going to have to wait. I will tell you all about our trip soon, I promise, but right now I have other things on my mind.

You see the whole time that we were at camp, I could not sleep. I tossed and turned all night long. My mind was just running a thousand miles a minute and would not shut off. I had a lot of time to think about things.

From what I would do if Jake's fall was really to hard and he had a concussion and we need to air lift him to the hospital (this did not happen, Jake did fall, well all the kids fell but nothing serious. This is just something that my ICU nurse brain does. I can go from a skinned knee to dead and in the grave in under 60 seconds. I will post and explain it some time.) to what I wanted to do for Hayden's birthday in a few weeks. I thought about Edward and Bella and where their story was going to go. I also thought a lot about blogging. Blogging.

I asked myself; Why do I blog? What does it really mean to me? Is this just a silly little hobby or is it something more?

My standard answer for the why I blog question is that I do it to capture our family life. It is a way to remember what the kids were doing and when. But in my wandering thinking late at night, I realized that there are more reasons.

I blog because it is a way to connect with people. For me, blogging is a really easy way to meet people and it is a lot less scary than in real life.

I am really kind of shy, although you would never know it. I keep to myself a lot and people sometimes misread that. People often think that I am unapproachable or intimidating. This just baffles me because that is not how I see myself. On a personal level, I have a hard time meeting new people. I really don't like it.

So to actually meeting new people and have them 'like' me and want to come back again and again just makes me feel so warm and fussy (well, that could be my cocktail). I can't tell you how much I love the fact that I have a 'following'.

It just blows me away that there are people out there who really like to read what I have to say and they think that I am funny. I mean always laugh at myself. My family thinks that I am mildly entertaining but to have other people think that I am funny and entertaining, is awesome! It is such a high for me. I am addicted to the attention.

I also realized in my sleeplessness, that blogging is an outlet for me. I really never thought of myself as a writer but in a way, I always have been. It is how I cope with things. I can pinpoint different times in my life when I was struggling with something, stressed or faced a huge issue.

The one thing that I did to help me cope was write, whether it was in the form of a prayer journal, letters to myself or just random ramblings. It was how I got my feelings out. It was how I was able to sort things out.

During my pregnancy with the triplets, I wrote every single day. I truly believe that if it wasn't for writing that I would not have been able to cope with having triplets. I was able to put my fears and worries outside of me on paper and deal with them.

That being said, here is the reason that I could not sleep at camp, besides the horrible bed. Camp was stressful for me. It was a new situation. There were new people to meet, new experiences to have, new thoughts and discussions with people. With all this newness was going on, I was not able to deal with it, properly. My mind was screaming at me to do so.

But there was an issue. What was the one thing that I was not able to do? Write! I was not able to end my day by writing/blogging about what happened to me, it was all inside of me and this is why my head was spinning. This is why my thoughts raced and I could not sleep. I had to much in me. I needed to get all my feelings and thoughts out.

So there. Done! My thoughts on blogging are out. (Dear God, can I please sleep tonight? I don't know how many more sleepless nights I can take. I think that I really might go crazy if I am not already there.)This really has become so much more for me than just away to capture my family life and growing children (even though I will still do that). It really is, as a lot of you say, therapy. And thank God it free because other wise my therapy bills would be huge and lets face it, who really has time for the therapy that motherhood needs.