But I must say that I really don't know what I am doing. I am a Facebook virgin, if you will. I have like 20 friends but I am really not sure what to do with them now. I post little messages on my "wall" and leave messages for others but now what?
I have heard people say that Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with people. But how? A friend of mine gave me a little tutorial the other day and showed me how to find people. You can search for them by name, location, high school college, etc. Since we were at work, I decided that when I got home I would search for some old high school friends.
Right there is my issue. I don't know why I am searching for these people? I did not have the greatest high school experience. In fact, it out right sucked and I was miserable. Picture this, me as the shy, fat, wall flower but 'friends' with the popular girls. These people were not my friends. I was just 'used' for this and that.
I remember vividly the day that I figured this out. We were at a football game and a few of us (about 5 or 6) were standing around in circle. I walked out of the circle for a minute to put something in the trash and when I returned, the circle was twice the size and I was on the outside looking in, I was not able to 'get back in'. I realized that was my whole relationship, I was always on the outside looking in.
I left that school, was able to meet new people, stand on my own 2 feet, get to know myself and figure out who I was. My life changed and for the better. The best thing that happened was that I met Jeff.
But I have always wondered what happened to these people. I wouldn't really say that I think of them often but every now and again they creep into my mind. See, back in middle school and high school, I thought I was nothing with out them. I thought that they made me special. I so wanted to be liked and to belong. I thought that these people were great, well to me the sun shone out of their asses. I guess it is my own fault for putting them up on such a pedestal, they didn't ask for that.
So, again I ask why do I want to find these people? I don't need their approval or do I? There is a part of my that wants closure and wants to ask, "Why did you not ever call me after I left? Why did almost 10 years of friendship have to end in just one afternoon. Was I ever really your friend?"
There is another part of me that wants to show them what I have become, what I have done with my life, my life without them. All my beautiful blessings and accomplishments and rub their faces into how really special I am. But I won't, this will just be our little secret.
To get to the point before I lose you in all my ramblings, I have found some of these "friends." When I found them all those old insecurities came rushing back to me. My head screamed at me, "What are you doing? Why are you even considering contacting them? Do you want to get hurt all over again?" My heart said, "That was a long time ago... Just forgive... Be interested in who they are now."
I am going with my heart. I wrote a message to one person. I don't even know if I want her to write me back. I don't know if she remembers me. I don't know what to say. The strong confident person that I am today, is being challenged by the shy, insecure that was 12 years ago... and I don't know what to do?
Writer's Workshop Thursday.
24 comments:
I've found that very few of the people from my high school have changed for the better. The mean girls are still mean girls and I'm still me. I bucked the Facebook trend but I'm a MySpace whore. I'd suggest you don't even put yourself through it. You didn't have a choice in HS but you do now. Let 'em find out how fabulous you are by reading your blog. Just like the rest of us did :)
Ohhhh..when I read this, it so easily could have been me writing it. I opted for Myspace though too and talk about High School on the internet. There are some I am 'Friends' with on Myspace and others I'm 'afraid' to message. Weird, isn't it? We will be having our 10 year reunion in 2 years and I'm wondering if I will actually make the journey back home to attend. Why do we do this to ourselves??
Funny, I just had a similar experience with Facebook. Well, not funny, sort of unnerving. It is a little bit perplexing how you can suddenly feel like you are in High School all over again. I keep reminding myself that we were all immature then and just learning how to be the people we really want to be. When you figure out how exactly you are suppose to use facebook, will you let the rest of us who don't have a clue know?
I have a facebook and a myspace. I have gotten in contact with a few friends that I had in high school but these were true friends that I had honestly lost touch with.
I like you would not want to find those other friends.
They aren't worth it and if they were true friends you never would have lost touch in the first place.
I have a MySpace. I was on it mainly to update my blog there when my baby was in the NICU. I haven't even checked in in MONTHS. I think it still says "happy new year" LOL It is a great way to get in contact with people, but I am so overwhelmed with all the things on the internet. My Pennies In My Pocket blog keeps me busy enough! lol
~melody~
I have re-written my comment nine times because I just agree SO COMPLETELY with everything you said. My advice: let the past be the past. You have a great life now and they aren't a part of it. And that's OKAY.
I'm on facebook too.
I have been found by a few old high school friends & I have found a few old high school friends.
I like looking at their photos & I often think... my life rocks!!
They are all still mostly party animals.... I have a beautiful family....
I have facebook and I have quite a few "faces" from long ago. I might say the odd hello but all though I add them all as friends there are only a couple of people I talk to regularly.
I think for me it is more just to see where people went.
I am on there, and people seem to find me and I get some email to "accept them as friends"... how high school is that?
I am one of those oddities that LOVED high school, but I am not really interested in what people are doing now.... unless I dated them. Then I must know.
I actually feel the same way that you do about Facebook, but I have been surprised how many of them have found me - my highschool sweetheart for instance, and some are actually nice grown ups. But for the rest, I do not even bother - college is a different story - nice to find them.
I've resisted Facebook so far for the same reason. I don't really want to be in contact with people I went to highschool with. Some of them were just so mean.
At the moment, I'm not getting enough time to blog, comment on friends' blogs, check out SITS, comment on the SITS featured blog, check out WTBAY, comment on the WTBAY featured blog... etc. I'm so behind in all that. Facebook would sink me.
But if I WAS on Facebook, I'd be your friend!
By the way, my husband (who was resisting FB with me) gave in, and immediately had like 90 friends. So now I CAN'T join, because he'll be intolerable: "I've go more friends than you!" Har har har, I don't think.
I am so with you. I have never even gone to a high school reunion. I tolerated high school, had friends in every clique from the preps to the popular girls to the "hoods". I totally got around (not in a slutty way, get your mind out of the gutter!).
But honestly, I barely have enough time for the important people in my life now. When I attempted to reunite with two friends from high school last year, it seemed like too much work. They're all still stuck in that high school frame of mind, and I'm so over that.
Yep, you'll never see me on Facebook. Or Myspace. I like my bloggy friends, like you, much better.
Thanks for the sweet birthday wishes!
I think it is natural to be curious.
i think it is natural to want to reconnect tour past and peek into the lives of those we used to know.
I'm with you on this one. I have had so many friends tell me how great it is that they have reconnected with old HS friends.
I'm still in contact with my two best friends from HS. For the rest of them.....I suppose it would be fun to see how they turned out, but I can't imagine starting a friendship with any of them.
I've been on facebook since it was open to students of just a select number of colleges (4 years now!), and there were almost no features besides the wall. Here's a few tips:
Don't post on your own wall. It's not as bad now as it used to be, but this is still dorky. You can change your status, but only write on other people's walls.
Don't add all the gadgets and doodads (AKA applications). Sure, add whichever ones suit you, but don't just add them just cuz. And don't invite others to add the application unless you think it's really cool and just had to share.
On to the actual topic of your post, it's strange how much we change, isn't it? I had a good high school experience, but I've changed so much since then so I don't know how to interact with those who were my friends. My viewpoint and values have changed so dramatically, and I'm sure they have changed, too.
I recently got on Facebook and am now "friends" with a bunch of people from high school, many of whom I barely knew (WTF, right?). I enjoy checking in to see what people are up to now. It is a passive way to keep up with them. You get to see where they are and what their doing without any work. That said, I have been very selective about the people I look up and invite to be friends.
I was lucky. I went to a school that was diverse and pretty laid back. There were no "cool kids", just groups of people, none of which were based on race or income or anything like that.
Some of my best friends (as in they would do anything for me and I for them) are from my high school years.
As an adult, I look back and truly see how blessed I was in high school. *That* or completely oblivious.
Jen, you truly are an amazing person NOW and back THEN. You have the same heart and the same mind. You are the person you are today because of the shy girl in high school. She started your journey ...
*hugs*
Jen, I may have been the one to start the Facebook chain . . . I'm glad we are back in touch though!
I have tried to look up people from my past (college or high school) and have some of them as "friends", but I like it better for my current far-away friends and relatives (we actually joined because a nephew posted his newborn daughter pictures there and that was how we got to see them).
I'm still resisting Facebook. It would be Yet Another Thing I Would Feel Obligated To Keep Up.
And high school sucked.
Go with your gut. If you think they might be worth contacting now, go for it. But if they didn't add anything to your life then, chances are good they won't add anything now.
Only you can tell why you might want to contact them and whether or not it's a good idea. Trust your own judgment; you know what to do.
It's usually the case that the way we behaved in high school doesn't really reflect the people we are now; unless of course we were balanced then! Sounds like you mighta been, but no one else much was. I felt the same: so much posturing and fakeness, but I was what I was...I don't keep in touch with anyone, nothing in common. Interesting to hear what your reaching out produces...
Ahhh....I see John and his erectile dysfunction have turned up here. He seems to be hitting up women's websites. The dummy...he's got the wrong end of the pineapple, hasn't he?? :)) He showed up on Lilly's blog, and yesterday she gave him a serving:
http://www.lillyslife.com/
I have, to this point, refused to join Facebook because, frankly, I'm looking for people to find me. If I haven't made an effort to keep in touch with you it is probably because I don't really care. My husband and I went to High School together and when our 10 year reunion rolled around neither of us wanted to go.
I may give in someday and join facebook, because people keep pestering me about it. But for now, I'm blissfully ignorant about all those people in my life who have moved on.
Post a Comment